The Top 5 Sexual Concerns of Men Over 50 - dummies

The Top 5 Sexual Concerns of Men Over 50

By Pepper Schwartz

Copyright © 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Getting back into sex when you’re in your 50s or older is touchy, particularly if a very long time has gone by since you’ve taken off your clothes in front of anything but a mirror. It’s also true that even if you had a good sex life with your previous partner, being with someone new always raises new issues.

Plus there’s the age thing. Only movie stars and the ridiculously blessed (or people who work out several hours a day) have a body that remotely resembles the one they had in their 20s or 30s.

The idea above all is that your sex life may have a few more challenges than it did when you were younger, but it can still be playful, exciting, passionate, fulfilling, and loving.

Even the most confident-seeming man may have one or more of the following common concerns, especially after passing age 50:

Being desired

Men generally see themselves as the pursuer rather than the pursued, so they have to proceed with coming on to someone without really knowing whether the object of their desire is as turned on as they are. The person who makes the first move is always at a slight disadvantage — even if the other person accepts, the pursuer may be unsure whether he’s desired as much as he wants to be desired.

Given the possibility of being rejected or even of getting a reaction that shows your date is offended at the mere suggestion of sex, it’s natural to want to know as much as you can about whether your date is sexually interested in you before you make that great leap of faith and bring up the topic.

Making a sexual move that is not offensive and is accepted

Today’s world has gotten a lot more timid about sexual overtures. People are generally more sophisticated about the rights of anyone to not only refuse a sexual offer but also not to have to even listen to one if there has been no indication that a sexual come-on would be welcome.

There’s a heightened sensitivity about sexual rights and personal space and no tolerance for what is perceived to be sexual harassment. Proceeding carefully in sexually charged situations is not only wise but necessary.

Pleasing his partner with his hands

Men also worry about their touch. Lovemaking involves gentle and sexy touching of the body and the genitals, and it’s hard to know whether you’re doing it right for a new partner. This is especially true if you haven’t had sex a lot before this or the only person you’ve had a long relationship with was your spouse.

It can be particularly worrisome if your sexual relationship in a marriage or in a long-term relationship wasn’t particularly great.

Arousing his partner and giving his partner an orgasm

Though of course women love having orgasms, most women would agree that they can enjoy lovemaking and intercourse without having an orgasm every time. Men, however, generally feel very worried or feel they’ve failed if their partner doesn’t have an orgasm.

Getting hard at the appropriate time and sustaining an erection long enough to please his partner

Sometimes, the hydraulics of a penis simply don’t work or don’t work well enough for intercourse. This is more likely to happen as men hit middle age and quite likely to happen the farther up the age cycle they go. Even if it doesn’t happen regularly, it’s quite likely to happen some of the time, and both men and women should expect it — and plan for how to react to it.

Men also worry about how their bodies are perceived, although perhaps not as much as women do. If a man has some figure flaws, find something you like about his body and give him extra praise for it. For example, you can say, “I love how tall and big you are” or “You have powerful shoulders.”