So Many Coffees but No Second Dates? - dummies

So Many Coffees but No Second Dates?

By Pepper Schwartz

Dating after 50 can present many challenges, such as trouble getting started. If you have no shortage of first meetings over coffee but your relationships end there, you may feel like quitting, but you shouldn’t. Here are three places to look for clues:

  • Did you misrepresent yourself in a photo or profile? Is your photo from five years ago, when you were 20 pounds lighter? Are you significantly older than you said you were? These misrepresentations set you up for the wrong person (your date was looking for someone else), and even if your date likes you, she doesn’t like being lied to.

  • Did you say the wrong things? Did you only talk but not listen? Did you just talk about downers? Do you come on too strong or too shy? Reenact your dates with a close friend and get her honest reactions — even if it’s painful to hear. This is the best way to figure out what to change and stop sabotaging your chances to find someone.

  • Did you pick the wrong person? Do you always pick the most attractive and accomplished person on the web? Guess what: Such people have a zillion choices, so the odds are against you. They can afford to make snap decisions, discard your profile, and forget about you.

    So look a little off the grid — quirky but cute, self-sufficient but not the CEO. Most important, go after the person who describes you when she says who she’s looking for.