Negotiate A Mutually Satisfying Sexual Philosophy After 50 - dummies

Negotiate A Mutually Satisfying Sexual Philosophy After 50

By Pepper Schwartz

Copyright © 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

What to do if you’re entering a new relationship after 50 and your sexual philosophies and behaviors don’t immediately match those of your partner’s? Don’t give up on each other just yet!

If you can communicate — and really share your feelings about how sex has affected you (when it’s good and when it’s not so good) — you may be able to work things out and even grow more intimate and respectful of each other by going through the process of discussion and adjustment.

If you can talk about how you feel, why you feel the way you feel, and how you want to proceed, you’ll be way ahead as a couple and as two people who are really trying to understand each other.

Here are some examples of dialogue starters that you can modify as needed:

  • “I’d like you to know why I feel shy about starting our sexual relationship.”

  • “I’m not as self-confident about sex as I used to be. I have some issues that it would help me to talk about.”

  • “I really enjoyed kissing you, and I’d like to just do that for a while until I know you better. My values are very important to me, and they affect how I express my affection.”

  • “My style is to dive right in sexually when I feel as close to someone as I do to you. Would you feel pressured? I want it to feel right for you too.”

  • “Last night was great, but I wasn’t sure I was connecting with you emotionally the way I want to. Is there anything we need to talk about?”

Sexual philosophies can always be revised. Sometimes, you change over the course of dating and need time to think about whether the sexual philosophy you started out with suits your needs now.