Dating After 50: What If Your Date Lies? - dummies

Dating After 50: What If Your Date Lies?

By Pepper Schwartz

When you’re dating again after 50, and become really interested in someone, it’s easy to make excuses for his behavior because you don’t want to believe bad things about someone you thought might be “the one.”

Here are some examples of lies that may be understandable and therefore potentially forgivable:

  • Lying about age: This is so understandable, particularly online. If the website’s algorithm divides people into groups by age (and most do), it’s understandable that some people who feel they look and act younger (or older) may put themselves in another category. It’s not smart or brave, but it’s understandable. Consider keeping the person.

  • Lying about health: As long as the person isn’t dying, it seems reasonable to withhold tough information about one’s health until the relationship looks like it’s going to be important. Depending on how bad it is, consider keeping the person.

  • Lying about being single instead of separated: This one is iffy, but sometimes the person really wants to be divorced and can’t hurry it along. A difficult divorce may keep him pinned down for years. So, depending on the rest of the facts, consider keeping him.

Here are some examples of lies that should tell you to slow down — and maybe change tracks:

  • Lying about financial stability: If someone has no money, has gone through bankruptcy, or has been in deep financial trouble, you need to know because it may affect you, big time. Furthermore, this isn’t a time of your life when you can afford for someone to drag you down and ruin whatever nest egg or savings you have or your ability to help your children.

    Motivations for being with you may also be unclear — I’d say, in general, run. (The facts may be so hazy and complicated that you may never know what you’re dealing with.)

  • Lying about addictions: If someone has been clean and sober for many years, more power to him. He may make a great partner.

    But if you find out that he still has a problem, whether it’s with alcohol, a sex addiction, or prescription or illegal drugs, get packing. If he couldn’t handle his addiction before he met you, the chances of him conquering it afterward are slim. The fix here is to leave.

  • Lying about accomplishments, education, or the past in general: A person is who he says he is or he isn’t. If you start finding inconsistencies in his biography, he may be a totally invented person, and you deserve someone real.

    If you find out that he doesn’t have the degree he said he had from the place he said he went or in the profession he said he studied, get on your pony and gallop out of town. You can come back for your clothes later.