Dating After 50: 4 Tips for Lively Date Conversation - dummies

Dating After 50: 4 Tips for Lively Date Conversation

By Pepper Schwartz

Dating again after 50 is full of ups and downs as you approach new people, set up first dates, possibly look online for date matches, and even ask your friends and family to help you set you up on a date.

Sooner or later you’ll want to exchange more intimate information with your date because you’ll both need to know each other’s reactions to issues and lifestyle choices that matter to you. But err on the side of waiting rather than leaping in with deeply personal and emotional topics. Likewise, avoid asking extensive questions that look like you’re conducting a job interview.

There’s something about being a little mysterious that seems to intrigue people more. It’s like the tease on the news or the headlines that grab you. Some pointers:

  • Don’t overwhelm your date. You want to have a lot to say, but you also want to make sure that you’re not so eager to be memorable that you overwhelm your date with your life story.

  • Let interesting stories develop from the topics at hand. One way to avoid getting in too deep is to let interesting topics develop out of who you are, who your date is, and interests that overlap. For example, say that you’re both crossword puzzle fans.

    You can do the New York Times puzzle together and find out what each of you knows through the game. Or a news story that refers to something you’ve worked on or studied could spark an interesting conversation.

  • If it’s starting to feel like you’re telling your whole life story, screech to a halt and hand over the conversation. Try to avoid recitations of your life story and instead discover each other through stories, affinities, and in-depth conversations about things you care about.

  • If you’re telling sad stories, back away and think of entertaining, amusing, or intriguing ones. Laughing together is one of the best things you can do on a date; it builds intimacy and pleasure.

Try not to be too earnest. Remember to have fun. Vary serious conversations with topics and activities that make you laugh and lighten up.