Dating After 50: 10 Tips for Your First Sex Together - dummies

Dating After 50: 10 Tips for Your First Sex Together

By Pepper Schwartz

Part of Dating After 50 For Dummies Cheat Sheet

Copyright © 2014 AARP. All rights reserved.

Having sex for the first time with a new dating partner can be nerve-wracking, especially if you haven’t slept with someone new in years. Yet, when you’re older and have been sexual in your previous relationships, sex seems to happen sooner. Depending on your values, it can be a momentous occasion or just a pleasure-seeking experience. But, if you hope that it’s part of a serious relationship, you’re more motivated to make sure it’s a happy, erotic, mutually satisfying event.

It helps to have some thoughts about how to make that first sex the successful prelude to an ongoing intimate relationship. Here are a few pointers that can help you make your first sex with your partner great:

  • Don’t have sex right away; sex on the first or second date usually means a short relationship.

  • Precede sex with conversation and approach the experience with intention so that you can be prepared (nice underwear, lubrication, pills, and so on).

  • Set the right mood with a romantic dinner and good conversation beforehand (but don’t overeat or drink too much!).

  • Talk about health before you get physically intimate. Plan safer sex with condoms. Don’t think that makes you cheap; it doesn’t. You show your concern for yourself and your partner by using protection against any sexually transmitted diseases.

  • As your relationship deepens and becomes more erotic, talk about what having sex means to you: Is it a declaration of love, like, or just attraction? Make sure you and your partner are on the same page.

  • When you’re ready to get sexual, pick a romantic venue; the place, the mood, and the ambience all matter.

  • Even if your feelings are intense, take it slow before and during sex. Communication and caring are actually more likely to make this time memorable than technique or endurance.

  • Ask what your partner likes and how he or she wants to be touched. Take the guesswork out of it.

  • Say nice, complimentary things. Make your partner feel attractive, desired, and respected. If you help your partner feel confident about your desire and admiration, your partner is more likely to feel sexy, uninhibited, and connected to you — and that means sex is more likely to be great!

  • If you aren’t going to stay the night, explain ahead of time. You may have good reasons for not being able to sleep over, but staying is nicer. And having breakfast together in the morning is romantic.