Common Mistakes Daters over 50 Make Online - dummies

Common Mistakes Daters over 50 Make Online

By Pepper Schwartz

When online dating first emerged, older people were particularly cautious about it. People over 50 were rarely first adopters of technology, and it took a lot of time just to send e-mail, much less use Facebook, tweet, and start online businesses. But that’s all changed, and online technology has become part of almost everyone’s life.

With more knowledge and more facility negotiating the Net, online dating becomes more ordinary and acceptable. In the beginning, there was a feeling of uncertainty; after all, what kind of person would go online to find a mate? Now people know what kind of person would — themselves!

People have heard so many stories of people meeting each other online that the stigma is gone, and some of the fear as well. But you may still need convincing. Not to worry — there are plenty of reasons that make going online to find a mate a very wise move. And once you’re ready, I offer tips and advice to make your experience easy and enjoyable.

Working on your attitude and expectations is a critical part of getting ready for dating and being able to have a new relationship. That applies whether you’re dating online or taking the more traditional route.

To increase the chances of online dating success and to maximize your enjoyment of the experience, you need to be aware of some common errors in judgment, including unrealistic expectations, lack of preparation, and issues of trust and honesty.

You want to avoid setting your sights so high that you have a hard time finding someone. Here are three things you may expect that, unmodified, will undermine your success:

  • You think you’ll find someone fast. Some people have great luck and find someone on a first date, but some people also win the lottery. It’s about that common. You really have to stick around and go on a lot of dates before you find “the one.”

    You may find people to hang with sooner than that — in fact, you most assuredly will. But finding the person for you takes time, a bit of luck, and perhaps a mastery of the dating system.

  • You go after someone whom everyone goes for, and thus, your chances are low. Some people on the web are spectacularly good looking, or spectacularly accomplished, or write a particularly moving profile. These people get hundreds of approaches. If this is the only kind of person you aim for, your chances of finding someone are correspondingly lower.

  • You don’t try to sell yourself. You may expect that others will see the inner you without a lot of salesmanship. This isn’t true. People read a lot into these profiles, and some online daters craft detailed profiles and figure out a way to make themselves shine.

    You need to put the same kind of thought, effort, and probably a friend’s editing into your search. Otherwise, you may not look as interesting as the people who put together a really good presentation.