Helpful Bluffs and Excuses for Network Administrators

By Doug Lowe

As network administrator, you just won’t be able to solve a problem sometimes, at least not immediately. You can do two things in this situation. The first is to explain that the problem is particularly difficult and that you’ll have a solution as soon as possible. The second solution is to look the user in the eyes and, with a straight face, try one of these phony explanations:

  • Blame it on the version of whatever software you’re using. “Oh, they fixed that with version 39.”
  • Blame it on cheap, imported memory chips.
  • Blame it on Democrats. Or Republicans. Doesn’t matter.
  • Blame it on oil company executives.
  • Blame it on global warming.
  • Hope that the problem wasn’t caused by stray static electricity. Those types of problems are very difficult to track down. Tell your users that not properly discharging themselves before using their computers can cause all kinds of problems.
  • You need more memory.
  • You need a bigger hard drive.
  • You need a faster processor.
  • Blame it on Jar-Jar Binks.
  • You can’t do that in Windows 10.
  • You can only do that in Windows 10.
  • Could be a virus.
  • Or sunspots.
  • No beer and no TV make Homer something something something… .