Six Keys to a Resilient Relationship - dummies

By Brent Bradley, James Furrow

Part of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy For Dummies Cheat Sheet

Resilient relationships may not be perfect but they are resourceful. Couples who are able to maintain a stable balance of positive emotions are more adaptive in the face of adversity. It’s common for a couple to face challenges from their own relationship and those around them. Here are six keys to a resilient relationship:

  • Being available and responsive to each other’s needs: Being responsive when your partner needs you to listen after a tough day, or needs you to pick up the kids in a bind — these types of things show that you care.

  • Telling stories about how, as a couple, you’ve overcome difficult circumstances: Taking a look at what you’ve overcome together pinpoints your successes. Negatives can steal away the positive accomplishments if you aren’t careful.

  • Facing your fears and sharing your needs as a couple: The most successful couples confide in each other when life throws a real curveball. If you’re scared that you’ve really hurt the other, for example, step up to the plate and admit it, and then share that you don’t want to be that kind of a person.

  • Investing in memories and activities that remind you how important you are to each other: Make a list of places and activities that you enjoy together, and act on it.

  • Making quick attempts at repairing hurts or misunderstandings: Missteps, disappointments, and arguments are common in healthy couples. Successfully repairing these issues strengthens a couple’s relationship.

  • Communicating worth to each other and seeing purpose in your relationship: Make sure you tell each other how much they mean to you from time to time. It may seem awkward, but the more you dive in and do it, the easier it gets.