Ilene Fox

Cheat Sheet / Updated 03-27-2016

There are so many great reasons to massage your baby. It can help foster bonding, prevent illnesses and help relieve common ailments, as well as provide physical and emotional benefits for both of you. By perfecting some simple baby massage techniques, you can keep yourself from running to the doctor for every minor condition that creeps up and enhance your attachment to one another.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Approximately 25 percent of babies experience colic — a condition that causes babies to cry inconsolably for at least three hours a day at least three days a week. Keep in mind that this is the minimum amount of crying for a diagnosis; some babies cry for hours on end with no apparent reason — they simply will not stop. If your baby has colic, he may cry, scream, and kick for hours. He may arch his back and tighten his stomach. He seems like he is in a lot of pain, and you can't find the cause of it. Needless to say, colic is stressful for the whole family. The best news is that most cases of colic disappear somewhere around 3 to 4 months of age. Hang in there! Looking for causes of colic The truth is that no one really knows what causes colic. Following are some common theories: An immature digestive system Emotional stress An immature nervous system Food allergies — for example, if a breastfeeding mother is drinking cow's milk and eating dairy products, or if an infant is drinking formula (either milk- or soy-based) Your baby's temperament Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) — a condition that affects babies and adults alike and is commonly called reflux Massaging to ease colic Regular abdominal massage may lower the frequency and severity of your baby's colic episodes. (Always use strokes in a clockwise direction on the abdomen. And be sure to use a little pressure to avoid the tickle response!) Massage can help you stimulate your baby's colon and push gas and stool through the intestinal tract. Here are some additional massage, exercise, and holding techniques you can use during a colic attack: Hold your baby in a football hold. Place your baby lying face down with his belly on your forearm and his head near your elbow. Put pressure on his belly with your arm and hand (visualize how a football player cradles his football). Rub his sacrum with your other hand. Place your baby on his back, and bring both knees to his chest by bending his legs. Your hands are on the outside of your baby's knees. Hold his knees on his chest for a few seconds. You can also do this technique one leg at a time. Follow the instructions in the previous bullet and, with both legs together, circle your baby's knees clockwise (in the direction of the colon). Offering your baby additional relief Here are some other ways that you can try to comfort your baby during an episode of colic: Wear your baby in a sling. Run the vacuum. Swaddle your baby. Take your baby for a ride in the car. Use an infant swing or a baby motion bed. Take a warm bath with your baby. Try feeding your baby more slowly (and possibly less) during each feeding. Try to alternate comfort measures. For example, you may wear your baby in a sling for a while, then take a warm bath together, and then go for a ride in the car. Colic can be very stressful, but many experts don't recommend letting your baby cry it out. If you have tried everything you can think of to calm him and your baby is still crying, simply hold him and speak soothingly throughout the episode. If your frustration level has peaked, ask your partner, your friends, and your family for help. Being held while crying is a much different and better experience for a baby than being left alone in a crib. What's the risk of letting your baby cry it out? Your baby will not learn important self-soothing skills, and unfortunately he may learn that his needs will not be met and his environment is not safe. He may also learn to shut down his feelings. No matter how frustrated you may get, do not ever shake your baby. A baby can die or suffer permanent brain damage after being shaken. If you are overwhelmed and start to feel yourself getting angry at your baby, place him in a safe place (such as his crib or playpen) and go into another room to give yourself time to calm down. Easing your own stress Colic is most definitely a family affair. For this reason, here are some suggestions on how to cope so the stress doesn't overwhelm you: Take a break. Find a way to spend at least an hour away from your baby each day. Get support. Locate other parents of colicky babies — perhaps through La Leche League meetings, Mommy and Me classes, or other local groups that bring new parents together. If you don't know where to look for this type of organization, contact the hospital where you delivered your baby and ask for help finding a support group. If you're not able to find a support group that meets your needs, at least find one person you can share your feelings of frustration with. Let someone give you a massage! Remind yourself not to take your baby's crying personally — it is absolutely not a reflection of your parenting abilities.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Bathing with your baby is a convenient way for you to mix play, skin-on-skin contact, warmth, and massage all at once. In this article, we show you how to do so in ways that are safe and enjoyable for both of you. Playing it safe Here are some tips to help you make bathing with your baby safe: Always check the water temperature before you bring your baby into the tub. Plan ahead for the bath and have everything you need nearby: shampoo, washcloth, car/infant seat (to place your baby in while you get in and out of the tub), towels (one for you, too!), soap, and tub toys. If you plan to give your baby an after-bath massage, place a diaper and change of clothes near where you will be giving the massage, such as near the changing table. If you're bathing with a newborn, have your partner or a helper nearby. Check the perimeter ledge of the tub beforehand and make sure that everything your little one can reach with her hands is safe. (Move those razors!) Keep in mind how slippery your little one will be when she's soaped up! Bathing with a newborn A baby's first bath can be very stressful: Your baby may be terrified of being placed in a small tub of water, and you may feel like a bad parent for making him cry. You may be able to skip the stress by taking your baby in the bath with you. Most newborns love this experience; the combination of feeling the warm water and hearing your heartbeat and voice makes your baby feel as if he is back in the womb. Be sure you wait until your baby's umbilical cord falls off before giving him a full bath. If you are unsure about this, ask your family doctor or pediatrician. And keep in mind that newborns need to be bathed only once or twice a week. The first couple of times you bring your newborn in the bath with you can be a little nerve-racking because of the combination of your baby's slippery, soapy skin and lack of head control. But with practice, you can make the experience comfortable and fun. Here are some tips to make it a safe and pleasurable experience for both of you: For your first couple of baths, have someone with you who can help you bring your baby in and out of the tub and soap him up. Fill the tub approximately two-thirds full before you get in, and check that the temperature is warm but not too hot. Be sure to watch the water level when your baby is placed on your chest. If it's too close to his mouth and nose, let some water out. Keep an infant or car seat near the tub, and place your baby's towel inside the seat. Before you get in the bath, put your baby in the seat. Get in the tub first by yourself. If you're taking your first bath since giving birth, go ahead and take a few minutes by yourself before bringing your baby in with you. You will really appreciate the break! Have your partner (or helper) slowly and gently place your baby chest-down on top of your chest. Your baby responds to your emotions. If you are calm and relaxed, your baby will be, too. Gently hold your baby and feel him relax and melt into your skin. Have your partner or helper soap up a soft baby's washcloth and gently wash your baby. Keep a squirt bottle nearby to help rinse your baby off. In the early days, it may be difficult to wash the front side of your baby's body. You can wash his belly on the changing table with a sponge bath if necessary. Spend a few minutes just holding your little one and rubbing his back. When it's time to get out of the bath, have your helper or partner take the baby out first and immediately place him in the car seat. Wrap the towel around him (like a cocoon) to keep him warm. Some people recommend breastfeeding during the bath. It is a very pleasurable experience for your baby to be nursed and surrounded by warm water. However, most newborns' elimination process occurs immediately following a feeding, so nursing in the bathtub may not be so pleasurable for you! Bathing with your older baby When your baby begins to gain some head control, you can bring eye contact and play into your bath. By bending your knees and placing your baby with her back against your thighs, you and she are in a good position to give and receive smiles, laughter, and love. You can also wash her belly! Here are some tips to make bathing with your older baby fun and safe: Place a car/infant seat (with your baby's towel inside) next to the tub. Put your baby in the car/infant seat, and after you are in the tub, reach over the side and pick her up. You will be able to put her back in the car/infant seat the same way after you've finished bathing. Have some brightly colored floating toys in the tub for her to play with. Encourage splashing! If your baby is 6 months or older, place him or her in a seated position on your extended legs, facing out. This will make your baby feel like a big boy or girl! Finish the bath chest-to-chest with your baby. Let her feel her legs and arms floating, and watch her relax.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Many new parents, upon arriving home with their babies, are in awe of the responsibility of parenthood and — to be perfectly honest — terrified by it. If you know many couples who have had children, chances are you've heard at least a few of them admit to looking at each other after their homecoming and saying, "Now what?" Getting in touch A hospital is not always an ideal setting for beginning the bonding process with your newborn. Even if you had zero opportunity to bond with your baby in the hospital, you can start doing so as soon as you get home, and touch — including massage — is the ideal way to begin. All you really need to do to begin bonding is to touch your baby a lot. Hold him, rock him, wear him in a sling, or sway with him every chance you get. Bonding can occur during feeding, changing, and sleeping, as well as during times when you're massaging your little one. Young babies aren't frequently alert and attentive, but luckily you don't have to wait for these times to promote bonding. Your intention, and how much energy you are willing to direct toward your baby, are the key factors. Bonding with your baby creates a secure and healthy attachment between you two. Your baby internalizes this feeling of safety, which leads to him being easier to comfort and more affectionate. Releasing a bonding hormone The bonding benefits of touch and massage aren't strictly emotional. There is a physical basis for the connection that develops between mothers and babies during massage. Massage stimulates the release of oxytocin in a mother's body. Oxytocin is a hormone that serves some key functions during and after pregnancy. For example: Oxytocin stimulates the mother's uterus to contract during labor. Oxytocin promotes the let-down reflex during breastfeeding — the reflex that moves milk into the breast so the baby gets food when he sucks. Oxytocin is continually released whenever a mother nurses, and it helps to relax the mother and nurture the bond between mother and baby during breastfeeding. When a mother massages her baby, she stimulates the release of oxytocin in her own body, which facilitates attachment and bonding. Through physical touch, she promotes a deeper emotional connection with her infant. Promoting trust Babies need a lot of touch and holding. The best advice for new parents is to approach each day of parenting with a clear understanding of how important touch is — especially in the first six weeks to two months of life, when many babies need constant holding or touch during their awake time. With that said, you want to also realize that touch and holding are only part of the picture — the physical part. If you touch your baby frequently but do so without paying any attention to what you're doing, you (and your baby) aren't reaping the full benefits of the contact. You must also be attuned to your baby. By attuned we mean being as present as possible whenever you hold, touch, and carry her. Doing so will satisfy her need for comfort and safety more fully than touch alone. Through her earliest interactions with you, your infant discovers what it means to count on other people — to trust. Babies who are massaged tend to develop strong feelings of trust for their caregivers, and as a result they also tend to have experiences with other people that are warm, nurturing, and loving. Your first experiences in touching your baby are essential in creating a trusting relationship between the two of you. These early moments truly lay the foundation for your relationship. Communicating As everyone knows, communication can take many forms; we pick up messages in a variety of ways, not all of them verbal. When you massage your baby, you and your baby have many opportunities to express yourselves nonverbally. Here are just two examples of nonverbal communication that can be expressed during a massage: Babies learn to see themselves through their caregivers' eyes. Providing eye contact during a massage gives your baby the opportunity to feel loved and to have his sweetness and vulnerability mirrored back to him through your eyes. When you massage your fussy baby, you model relaxation with your relaxed and soothing touch. During massage, your baby picks up cues from you. Don't underestimate how much information your baby absorbs through observation. Babies are like sponges, absorbing everything within reach.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Toddlers struggle to reconcile their need for autonomy with their need for their parents' help and guidance. One of the many ways that kids in this age group express their autonomy is by saying no. Sometimes toddlers say no to everything, even things that you know they want. You may find that your toddler says he doesn't want a bowl of cereal, for example, only to turn around and demand that same bowl a few seconds later. Your job as a parent or caregiver is to set limits and boundaries for your toddler. You may sometimes doubt this, but it's good for your toddler to experience the frustration of not getting everything he wants and to have limits set. At the same time, it's good for you to respect your toddler's no. Listening and responding to your toddler's words teaches him that he has power in the world and some control over his environment. You can avoid power struggles with your toddler by choosing your battles wisely. For example, if your toddler wants to wear a winter hat in the summer, let her. However, if she wants to cross a busy street without holding your hand, that's obviously non-negotiable. What if your toddler refuses a massage? Respecting what she says sends her some clear messages: Her body is hers, and she has a say over who touches it. This is a very important message to give any child. The statistics on childhood sexual abuse indicate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18. Perpetrators of sexual abuse are most often people that the child knows, not strangers. Teaching your toddler to say no to unwanted touch will decrease her vulnerability to being abused. You respect her feelings and her boundaries. You encourage her to be autonomous. Your toddler may specifically request a massage. If you can't do it at that exact moment, tell her when you will be able to. Accommodating your toddler when she comes to you with such a request shows her that you are sensitive to her struggle with independence and dependence and that it's okay for her to have needs. Keep in mind that childhood needs that are met tend to go away. Needs that are not met are carried with us into adulthood. Setting and respecting boundaries Boundaries are what separate me from you; they simplify life and define expectations. Creating and setting boundaries for toddlers helps them be safe and lets them know what their limits are. Here are some examples of common family boundaries: Knocking on a closed bedroom door before entering Asking permission before giving physical touch Prohibiting hitting and biting Boundaries can also be rules and limits: "You must hold my hand while crossing the street." "You have to wear a coat in freezing weather." "You can't play with Daddy's laptop." Babies and toddlers learn by watching how others behave. If you model clear and consistent boundaries with your partner and your other children, your younger children find out how to behave and have healthy relationships. Here are some tips to help you be effective in setting boundaries: Be consistent. Toddlers and children get confused if your limits and rules are constantly changing. Be aware of your child's development. Knowing what she is capable of emotionally and physically lets you set realistic boundaries. Remember that setting boundaries is not about controlling your children. It's about keeping them safe and helping them learn self-discipline. When massaging your older baby or toddler, you can set boundaries and let him know that you respect his by doing the following: Ask his permission to give him a massage. If your children are giving each other massages, make sure both are willing participants. Stop the massage if your child shows signs of overstimulation or is bored and looking for something else to do. Adhere to his requests. Sometimes toddlers have requests that may seem silly to us but are a way for them to express and practice their autonomy. For example, your toddler may be fine with you massaging his arms but refuses to let you touch his legs. This is a perfect opportunity for you to respect his boundaries. Teaching discipline through massage Massage gives you a consistent opportunity to create the kind of relationship your child needs in order to be receptive to gentle discipline. Here are some things that a child needs in order to respond favorably to loving guidance: Your child needs to trust you. He needs to recognize clear and consistent boundaries between you. He needs to learn how to communicate with you (both verbally and nonverbally). He needs to know that you are sensitive to his needs. The word discipline literally means "to teach." Massaging your older baby or toddler actually helps you teach her about discipline, because massage helps children find out about boundaries, trust, and nonverbal communication. In fact, even a newborn or infant picks up lessons about discipline through massage. Parents who massage and touch their children regularly become sensitive caretakers attuned to their children's needs. This type of parenting builds a relationship based on trust. Because you have responded to your children's needs with compassion and sensitivity, your babies grow up to respect (instead of fear) and count on your positive authority. You create positive authority by doing the following: Not engaging in power struggles Setting appropriate limits and boundaries Disciplining your child with sensitivity and compassion None of this means that you need to be a pushover. In fact, when you need to express your positive authority, it's best to be firm without being controlling or overbearing. Each time that you express positive authority, you strengthen trust and mutual respect with your children in a non-adversarial and cooperative way.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

You don’t need fancy equipment, a special room, or lots of free time to give your baby a great massage. Let’s face it. Moms are busy people. Here are just a few ideas for good times to massage your baby: Work massage into your daily routine: Give a massage before or after your baby’s nap. Give a massage before or after your baby’s bath. Take your baby into the bathtub with you and massage him while you bathe. Massage your baby on the changing table after a diaper change. Offer a massage while you’re talking on the phone or watching TV. Massage your baby while you are wearing her in a sling. Give your baby a massage whenever you have some extra time — even a few minutes — on your hands: Offer a quick massage while you’re waiting in line at the grocery store. Massage your baby when you go on a picnic. Calm your baby down at the doctor’s office by using massage techniques. Keep your baby happy when you fly on an airplane by using massage. Pass the time during a long car ride by massaging your baby in his car seat (while someone else is driving, of course!).

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Baby massage has so many great benefits — including on the person giving the massage! Following are just some of the ways that massage can promote a baby’s health and development: Massage strengthens a baby’s immune system. It reduces stress (including for the caregiver). It stimulates the baby. It increases sensory awareness. It stimulates digestion. It relaxes fussy babies (and nervous parents). It promotes growth and weight gain in premature babies. It stimulates neurological development. For a new mom, it can prevent or help alleviate postpartum depression.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Bonding with your baby is very important to his development. You can improve your bond with your baby through physical contact — not just massage. Here are just a few suggestions to get you thinking: Breastfeed your baby. Co-sleep with your baby. Wear your baby in a sling. Hold and cuddle your baby frequently. Avoid long separations. Make eye contact. Bathe with your baby. Swim together. Respond to your baby’s cries promptly and compassionately.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Most babies experience mild ailments, such as constipation or congestion. Baby massage is a great way to provide relief for your little one from these common developmental milestones. There are several physical ailments whose symptoms can be improved with massage, such as the following: Teething Colic Eczema Dry skin Cradle cap Constipation Chest and sinus congestion When you find yourself wondering what you can do to help your little one feel better in times of discomfort, keep in mind that your hands may hold the cure!

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Baby massage offers many great benefits. Massaging your baby can have a positive emotional impact on both of you. Here are just a few examples of the many emotional benefits: Massage increases your confidence as a parent or caregiver. It promotes bonding and attachment between you and your baby. It creates trust between you and your baby. It teaches your baby how to soothe herself. It teaches your baby nonverbal communication skills. It comforts jumpy and nervous babies.