Parenting Articles

Cheat Sheet / Updated 04-12-2022

Potty training is an important step in childhood development. As a parent, you need to recognize the signs that your child is ready for the toilet talk, institute a potty-training process, keep that process going, and recognize when your child is almost there. Along the way, you need to make sure that your child knows potty-trianing terminology, be able to spot problems that need medical attention, and separate potty-training myths from reality.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 03-10-2022

Your baby’s first year is a precious time that will pass all too quickly — in retrospect. To help calm your new-parent jitters, cover the basics: Make sure that you have a list of essential phone numbers handy, know what symptoms dictate that you call the doctor immediately, and understand the many reasons your baby cries. And for yourself, repeating an affirmation or two can help you keep your perspective and your sanity.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 03-09-2022

Following some helpful advice about parenting will help you keep your cool and forge ahead with enthusiasm even when the going gets rough. In case of a family emergency, make sure you have a list handy of emergency phone numbers and that everyone in the house knows where it is. Parenting comes with a set of absolute rules, so get to know and consistently practice them. When you can't figure out why your baby is crying, go through a list of possible reasons and their remedies from top to bottom.

Article / Updated 06-18-2019

How do you become a smart family? Eliminate the "I" versus "you" attitude in your home, and you're on your way to raising higher-achieving kids with whom other people want to work and play. You won't be perfect at this smart family routine. No family is. Even the best intentions slip now and then, which is perfectly normal. Just strive toward making these ten qualities of smart families your goal. Willing to go the extra mile for each other Make your family motto family first. Ensure that each person knows the important role they play in the family and understands that this role sometimes involves pitching in and making sacrifices to strengthen family life. Let cooperation, compassion, and kindness be your watchwords. In healthy families, members expect to give up time, energy, and lots of other luxuries for each other, even though they may grumble about it. Smart kids need to feel confident that family members are there for each other, should the need arise. Reinforce that this major juggling act has a positive side. Clue-in everyone that they will get back much more than they give. And be prepared to reap the rewards of a more confident, higher-achieving child. That's what the strength of family brings. Respecting each other Don't be put off by all the togetherness. Sticking close as a family doesn't negate the importance of respecting individuality. Every child has the ability to be smart. By respecting her ideas and interests, you allow your child's natural abilities to surface. Respect is one of those behaviors kids master partly by observation. If you listen without judging and act courteously and politely toward all kinds and ages of people, chances are, your child will get the message that others deserve respect. The message may not sink in immediately, but eventually, considerate and mannerly behavior rubs off. Delighting in each other Smart families like yours enjoy each other. You thrill at experiencing enriching adventures together. You build a school-at-home curriculum that encourages fun and learning, so your child grows intellectually. You read, listen to music, and play indoor and outdoor games together, creating a rich intellectual heritage as part of regular family activities. Or you spend downtime together doing absolutely nothing. Yet, you allow everyone their own interests and activities and rejoice at hearing what family members experience when apart. Cherish family time and the stabilizing connectedness it brings. Communicating with each other Building a smart family relies on your being able to understand each other's feelings, which isn't always an easy process. As much as humanly possible given each family member's qualities, let every family member know that he or she is understood, and that his or her feelings and thoughts count. Share family beliefs at mealtimes. Discuss problems and gripes during family meetings. Take time to listen and rephrase what someone says to show you understand and help you clarify if you don't. Know that it's never too late to open lines of communication. Say, write, or do something positive for each family member every day. Pep talks keep everyone going in a smart direction. Growing from each other and from mistakes Growing from each other runs both ways: for you to counsel your kids and for you to learn from them. Sharing your wisdom with your kids Sometimes, the best course of action is to let situations happen. Try to develop an attitude that no matter what or how painful the outcome, the situation is a learning experience, a place to begin again. When teeth-gnashing, tear-producing, or otherwise scary situations occur, try to ask, "What's the worst that can happen here?" If you and your offspring can handle the answer, you can handle anything. Learning from your kids Never be so proud and into a rigid I-have-to-know-it-all-because-I'm-the-parent role that you can't learn from your kids. This entire parenting trek is a give-and-take learning experience. If you don't realize the wonderful possibilities of seeing the world from your child's vantage point, you're missing a lot. Let your child see you make mistakes. Mistakes humanize you — rather than demean you — in your child's eyes. And let your child see how you take responsibility and handle your mistakes. Valuing effort, not product Set high family standards. But don't tie your child's self-worth to fulfilling expectations that may or may not be realistic. Kids judge themselves by how others value them. So let your child know through actions and words what's really important: Celebrate individual accomplishments, no matter how imperfect. Praise the way family members tackle jobs, instead of praising end-products. Emphasize your child's character, goodness, and effort. From this encouraging cocoon, your child gains the inner strength to tackle new endeavors. She also learns that being smart means more than test results and winning competitions and games. Being smart is about feeling good about yourself for doing the best you can. Solving problems together Smart families involve everyone in decisions about routines and choices. As a parent, you shape family discussions but aren't an authoritarian "Because I say so!" type. Take cues from every family member, even little people. As your child matures, arrange for greater responsibility and more independence. But stay on top of what your child is doing at home and at school. Smart families catch problems before they develop into something bigger, no matter what age a child reaches. Ultimately, you're the parent. As such, you make the final decisions. Show your child you care by setting reasonable limits that include her participation. Creating an environment that values learning Smart families continue to learn together. Everyone becomes involved in the child's learning, which then encourages more learning. Freedom to initiate activities and goals exists within a safe and stable framework that Limits media Encourages reading Allows free play only after homework is done Reacting well to successes and failures Smart families accept that they are human. Near-perfection may be a goal, but you all understand that nobody can be perfect, nor should you be. Encourage family members to accept success humbly and failure with grace. Be an apologizing family. Advocate that everyone, including yourself, sprinkle, "I'm sorry," "Do you need a hug," or "I need a hug," liberally into words and actions. Nothing gets you through difficult times better than a sense of humor. Showing and saying, "I love you" The one common denominator of families that raise smart kids is their unconditional love for each other. Any family, no matter what background the family comes from, can produce successful kids if your heart guides your parenting philosophy. You can read books, talk with experts, and commit their gems to memory. But if your heart tells you something different than the know-it-alls, go with your gut. Raising a smart kid is no different than raising any child. Above all, it takes a loving family that encourages warm, positive feelings to emanate through words and actions. Smiles, a loving touch, a kind word: Loving each other to bits is the most important ingredient for raising a smarter, more successful child.

Article / Updated 01-23-2017

Keep an open mind as you check out your potty-chair choices: seats that attach to the big toilet, little potty chairs — and don't forget that you can always use that hand-me-down chair (from an older sibling or cousin), and let little sweetkins personalize it with stickers, making the throne hers alone. Encourage your trainee to sit on different chairs to check out size. How well each one fits her tiny backside can be a big factor in her speed of adapting to potty training. Find a nice fit: In the store, let her road-test a few and see which ones are comfy and best fit her baby-buttocks. The right chair will be sized so that she can rest her feet on the floor and use her muscles to bear down when she wants to start a BM (bowel movement). Feet dangling in the air aren't conducive to making the process work. Study the nitty-gritty: Check out potty chairs and toilet-toppers for basic practicalities, such as stability and easily removable catch bowls. Opt for a remove-from-the-top bowl over the type of bowl that you remove from the back, which isn't as user-friendly. Also, make sure the chair doesn't slide around. Try to predict your reaction to wild gadgetry before you buy a chair that sings to your toddler as she sits, or rings a bell when pee hits the bottom of the bowl, or any number of other combinations. Otherwise, your child will get confused if you suddenly deactivate her bell in mid-stream. Parents who find repetitive sounds annoying should definitely bypass the talking-singing potty chairs. If your chief desire is to avoid the noise of your trainee's potty chair, the process is doomed from the start. So, don't feel guilty if you decide to steer clear of the one that's crooning show tunes. Choosing the right style When it comes to potty chairs, you have two different styles to choose from: a stand-alone potty chair you put in the bathroom, or a special adapter seat you attach to the big people's toilet. Consider the smart-device factor: Some kids and parents like a chair that has all the bells and whistles — one setup has a potty chair, an adapter seat for later, and a stepstool. Foster a love connection between child and chair. If you get your toddler's thumbs up on a chair she likes, she'll feel more like the chair is her own. Going with a toilet-topper If your kid is turned on by the adults' toilet, she's already motivated, so get a special potty seat that hooks onto the toilet to make it fit a child. Figure 1 shows a toilet with a seat attached. Also, buy a little stepstool because she must be able to plant her feet firmly on a base (and push), for better bowel movements. Get a no-nuisance toilet-top adapter: If you're buying an adapter seat for the adults' toilet, try to find one that won't drive the rest of the family nuts because removing it is such a bother. Figure 1: A toilet-topper potty seat on an adult toilet. Opting for a potty chair Buy a private chair for an individualist: The child who's fond of the "mine" word will relate more easily to a potty-chair than to the big people's toilet. Typically, a kid likes having her own private little pee-pot, such as the one shown in Figure 2. Figure 2: An on-the-floor potty chair. With this type of seat, your child won't need your help in getting on the potty, as she may with the adults' toilet. The one downside: You have to clean out the bowl — and that gets old. A potty chair stationed on each floor of a multiple-level home is a good idea. You want to do everything you can to help your tot succeed — so, make it ultra-easy for her to complete the race to the potty. (Expect trips to be at warp-speed at first.) Potty chair paraphernalia Having a child in the house means you also have a lot of "stuff," from toys to clothes to gadgets. The potty-training stage also has its gadgets. Whether it's all necessary or not, is up to you. Boy-directed splash guards, such as the one shown on the potty chair in Figure 3, can be troublesome for boys and girls. Be sure you remove the urine guard from the potty seat or toilet ring because it can scrape your child as she moves on and off. This device is meant to keep urine from splashing, but don't take a chance. If your child gets hurt, she will think the toilet is scary, and that's a whole new set of problems. You don't want to go there. Figure 3: A potty chair with splash guard. Some ultra-practical accessories are Jonny Glow strips that have a night-glow that helps your child use the potty in the middle of the night. Given a 15-minute charge from a normal bathroom light, the strips will glow for 10 hours, and they're easy to stick on any toilet surface. If you want a little fluff in the bathroom, try a potty sticker chart or a bowl of tiny potty prizes displayed where your toddler can see it. She'll get the idea "If I get the hang of this potty thing, I can get stickers and a prize from that bowl — cool!" You could also hang up a hygiene chart, with pictures that take kids through the steps from wiping bottoms to cleaning hands.

Article / Updated 01-23-2017

Your baby or toddler probably has a few things on his mind regularly, like "What's that in my diaper?" "It's time for a potty visit!" "Where's my cup?", "I'm hungry!" or "I need a drink!" The simple signs in this article relate to those things and will get you and your baby on the right track with two-way communication beyond "waaaaaah!" Good luck. Diaper One of the things babies often fuss about is the condition of their diapers. How fantastic would it be to have your baby sign DIAPER before she starts screaming? It is possible, so regularly talk with your child about the condition of her diaper while simultaneously signing the magic word like this: 1. Make an L with both hands by pointing your index fingers up and holding your thumbs out to the side. 2. On both hands, close your index finger and thumb together. 3. Place your hands near the top of where a diaper would be, around the waist area. 4. Open and close your fingers and thumbs two or three times (see Figure 1). Figure 1: Change my DIAPER, please. Potty Signing for a DIAPER change is a wonderful thing, but signing for the POTTY is even better. Just think, no more diapers to clean up. Note that if your baby is too young to use the potty yet, you can always introduce the sign anyway, just so baby can hear the word and see the sign regularly. And if baby has a big brother, regularly say and sign POTTY with big brother while in the baby's presence to keep driving home the point of the potty. In other words, in this particular case it's okay to have a potty mouth. Say and sign POTTY all the time. The payoff down the road is huge. Here's how to walk the walk and sign the sign: 1. Make a fist. 2. While your hand is still in a fist, make an ASL letter T by placing your thumb between your index and middle fingers. 3. Shake your hand back and forth a few times (see Figure 2). Figure 2: Time to go POTTY. Cup CUP is one of those handy multipurpose signs — useful for all types of cup situations. The CUP sign will come in handy during your little one's transition from baby bottle to big-boy cup. And the same CUP sign can be used for communication when your little one is trying to get into Mommy or Daddy's cup. Additionally, your baby can use the CUP sign to actually tell you when he's thirsty and wants his cup. 1. Form the ASL letter C by rounding your fingers and thumb. In other words, make an O with your fingers and thumb and then open up a little space between them. 2. Place your C hand on your opposite hand's open palm (see Figure 3). Figure 3: May I have my CUP? Eat So you're sitting on your last nerve in the playroom while Mighty Lungs is screaming at the top of his lungs beside you. You simply can't figure out what he wants. He swats away his teddy bear and favorite toys when you offer them up. He's not sitting in a poopy diaper. He's not cold and doesn't have a boo-boo. What? What? You notice that he stops his waaaahs as he spots a Cheerio on the floor. Before you can intervene, he picks it up and pops it in his mouth. Momentary bliss and enchantment ensue as he looks around for more yummy floor nuggets, but upon finding none, he starts screaming again. Duh. You realize that he's probably hungry, so you scoop him up and head straight to the kitchen for a snack. There's an easier way. The sign for EAT will help your baby tell you when he wants to eat so that you won't have to decipher screaming. The sign is simple to make, like this: 1. Make a flat-O hand shape by first forming an O with your fingers and thumb and then flattening them out so that they look like a deflated balloon. 2. Touch your fingertips to your mouth repeatedly (see Figure 4). Figure 4: I'm ready to EAT! As you're first introducing a new sign to your baby, repeat it often. For example, use the sign for EAT any time you're talking to your baby about food, and specifically sign EAT every time you say the word: "Are you hungry? Do you want to EAT?", "Would you like to EAT some bananas?", or "Mommy is EATing, do you want to EAT, too?" Drink No matter what her preference — milk, juice, or water — when she wants her DRINK, she wants it now. Show her how to sign DRINK to get what she wants more quickly and with a lot less frustration: 1. Form an ASL C with one hand as if you're holding a drink. 2. Mimic drinking by bringing your hand to your mouth and tilting it several times (see Figure 5). Figure 5: A DRINK sure would be nice right about now.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 10-31-2016

Being a great dad during your baby's first year (and beyond) takes patience and perseverance, but it's a heap of fun and one of the most rewarding things you'll ever do. Your child will love every minute you spend with her, whether you're changing her diapers when she's a baby, playing rough and tumble as a toddler, or teaching her how to ride a bike. Your time is by far the most valuable gift you can give your child.

Article / Updated 10-28-2016

Bonding and forming an attachment to his caregivers allows your child to feel secure so he can focus on growth and development to become independent and self-confident in the world at large. He’s half your DNA, so shouldn’t bonding happen by default? Yes and no. Bonding is a process that needs to be worked at, but it’s not hard, and because you’re the adult, you’ll have to lead the way at the beginning. Be 100 percent committed Make a point of totally committing yourself mentally to looking after your little one, not just on a day-to-day basis, but for life. Becoming a father is like getting married — you’re in this thing for better or worse, in sickness and in health. But there’s one big difference — if things don’t work out, there’s no divorce. Your child will be your child forever. And because this is your child’s one shot at life, give your little one the best shot you can. Be at the birth The first time you lay eyes on your long-awaited baby is indescribable. Some fathers say the world changed in an instant, and the instinct to protect their vulnerable new child was overwhelming. Others say it took them a few weeks to truly feel special about their child. Either way, seeing your baby for the first time is a once-in-a-lifetime event that’s not to be missed. It’s an exclusive gig that’s happening for three people, and you’ve got a backstage pass, so use it! If you’re at the birth, you not only get to see the amazing process of birth itself, but you also get to take part! You get to hold your baby, you get to mop up your partner’s blood (just kidding), and you can cut the umbilical cord. And while mom is getting a bit of a rest and some attention from the medical staff, you’ll have a chance to check out your precious new little parcel in detail. Don’t forget to take lots of photos! Get up close and personal Newborn babies have spent their entire lives inside a person, so it makes sense that your little one will still want to be close to the people who love him — that’s first and foremost, you and your partner. And what better way to be close than skin-to-skin? Your newborn will love snuggling into your chest, be it thick with hair or not, so whip off that shirt and cuddle. Kangaroo care, as skin-to-skin contact is sometimes known, is a technique used in the care of premature babies to facilitate better breastfeeding, temperature control, bonding, and attachment. But your baby doesn’t have to be premature to benefit. He’ll learn your smell and your sound, and love listening to the gentle thud of your heartbeat putting him to sleep. Another way to get some close contact with your baby is to take a bath or shower with him. Wait until the belly button is fully healed. You may feel a bit clumsy with a wobbly, tiny baby, but after a few attempts you’ll feel more confident. Let your baby rest on your chest in the tub. Have mom nearby to hand you the baby when you’re settled in the bath, and give her a call to take the baby out when you’re finished. Be careful that the water isn’t too hot, or the room too chilly, as your baby doesn’t have good control over his temperature yet. Ready, set … read! Reading to your baby from day one not only encourages closeness, but it also gives her a chance to see colors and shapes and listen to your voice. Your little tyke can’t tell whether you’re speaking Spanish or Swahili, but she adores the sound of your voice, your smell, and being close to you. As your baby grows up and becomes more aware of her surroundings, she’ll learn that books are just a normal, everyday part of life that have always been there. Being read to also helps with language development, which starts happening on day one. Before she can speak, she’ll be learning through you about the colors, shapes, animals, and emotions that she sees on the pages in front of her. Engage in tummy time Tummy time is an important technique in kick-starting your child’s development. Simply lay your baby on his tummy and encourage him to lift his head. This is important because it gets him to use his neck and upper body muscles, and encourages him to look ahead and focus on objects. As he gets older, tummy time helps him develop cross-line movement, which is the action a baby does when he crawls. Start with just a few minutes a day and build up from there. Most newborns aren’t that fond of tummy time. Tummy time is hard work for them, so expect a bit of resistance at first. But keep at it because tummy time helps your baby develop on many levels. Be hands-on — literally Baby massage is a technique that every dad should have in his repertoire. Baby massage is easy to learn, and both you and your newborn will love it. Start by bathing your baby; then dry her on her change table or a similar flat surface. Make sure the room you’re in is warm, just like when you go for a massage. Get some natural oil, like calendula, or a commercial product made especially for babies and start massaging. Use gentle strokes up and down your baby’s limbs, and gently roll her over to rub her back. Use your thumbs to gently knead her legs and feet. If you want to get more technical about baby massage, a variety of instructional videos and booklets are available. Be the Paparazzi The first year is populated by so many firsts that your head will spin: first smile, first bath, first outing, first swimming lesson, first bump or bruise, and (possibly) first steps. So take lots of photos in lots of different settings. Before too long, you’ll be looking at the photos and getting all nostalgic. Put the photos on your phone, on your work computer, on your desk, and in your wallet. Immerse yourself in the world of your little one. If you work outside the home, photos can be a great way to remember during the day that you’re a dad now, and it means you’ll look forward to going home to check on your little one. If you’re a stay-at-home dad, taking photos can help you remember the good days when you’re having some bad ones and will help keep mom in the loop about what you’ve been up to with your baby during the day. Get creative Remember that beloved toy truck your granddad carved for you, the one that’s gathering dust in your spare room? Or the quilt that an aunt made for you when you were a baby? Things that are handmade by people who love you not only show you how much they care for you, but they can also become precious heirlooms passed down from generation to generation. Make a future heirloom now by making a mobile, some wooden toys, or decorations like murals for your baby’s room. You’ll get untold pleasure from seeing your child use and enjoy whatever you make or fall in love with a painting you’ve made for her. Take a walk You never would have seen a man pushing a stroller 30 years ago, but now pushing the stroller — or running with the jogger — is totally the “in” thing. And who doesn’t want to show off their stroller with all the adjustable this, that, and the other things strollers come with these days? As you take junior for a stroll, you can check out what models other dads have. In the early weeks, have your child facing toward you, so that she can make out your familiar face and feel comforted by your presence. The more your newborn sees you, the more she’ll realize that you’re her dad. Get your hands dirty Yep. You’re gonna have to change some diapers. Most dads don’t exactly relish the idea of dealing with urine and poop several times a day. Neither do moms. Changing diapers is a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it. But there are also fringe benefits to being a diaper changer. The distance between you and your little tyke when you change a diaper is just perfect for singing and talking together. Many a new dad has seen his baby’s first smile while changing a diaper. It’s the day-to-day care of your baby that tells him you care and can look after him when he needs it. That builds trust, a connection and an attachment your child needs to grow up feeling loved and secure.

Article / Updated 10-28-2016

Pregnancy looks easy when it’s happening to someone else. As a man, you don’t have to endure what’s going on in a pregnant woman’s body 24/7 — and there’s a lot going on. Helping in any way you can is greatly appreciated. Take care of your partner Growing a baby is hard work and takes quite a physical toll on a woman’s body. Sure, some women climb mountains and run marathons up to the day they give birth, but those are exceptions rather than your average woman’s pregnancy experience. For starters, morning sickness can be debilitating, and for some women the morning sickness never eases until the pregnancy is over. The tiredness and carrying around all that blood, fluid, and an extra person puts all sorts of strains on the female body. Look after your partner 24/7 if need be, especially if she’s having a difficult pregnancy, and do all you can to make life easier for her. It may mean looking after the household for nine months all by yourself, and for sure you’ll get sick of it. But let’s face it — would you prefer to squeeze a baby out of your body? So, man up and do whatever needs doing in the house. Get on the wagon Your partner has to stay off alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, blue cheese, seafood, and a whole lot of other stuff to keep that baby in there safe and sound. Seeing you downing a pint of beer and enough salami to sink a small ship could be enough to send her over the edge. Staying off alcohol and cigarettes, not to mention anything heavier you may be into, and eating what she can eat is not only better for you, but it sets up a precedent for how you intend to live as a father. Give your partner some “me” time every now and then The prospect of becoming a mother, while really exciting for your partner, is also a daunting one, both mentally and physically. For most mothers, the first few months after birth end up being a 24-hour, seven-days-a-week job. Even though they traded in their old life of meetings, schedules, work commitments, and deadlines that they may have no sentimental attachment to, for the care of a tiny, helpless baby whom they love, the role can be overwhelming. Over the next few years — perhaps until your child has left home — your partner’s always going to have one eye on what she’s doing and one eye on your child. So in the months before this all kicks off, let her have some time that’s just for her. Be there for the medical stuff Go along to all the medical appointments, scans, and meetings with your midwife or obstetrician. Your partner will want you to be there to share in it. The first time you hear your baby’s heartbeat through the Doppler or see the faint shadows of your baby moving and bouncing around in your partner’s belly during an ultrasound scan, you’ll be glad you came along. Although you’re not carrying the baby right now, that tiny growing thing in there is your child too. Your place is to know about how well he’s developing, any potential health issues, and what options you as a couple have for welcoming your child into the world. Get with the program Start getting some hands-on practice with essential baby knowledge and skills. Moms-to-be love to see their partners getting excited about their new life as parents, and what better way to show it than to throw yourself into the preparations? There’s so much to learn about looking after a newborn baby and the months after that, so why not find out all you can about it? Ask your midwife or obstetrician about prenatal classes in your area and discuss which one you think would suit you and your partner best. Make it a priority to never miss a class, even if there’s work to be done at the office or you’ve been invited to drinks after work. Let’s face it; the office and your work will be there for a long time. Preparing for your first child happens only once in your life. Go on a babymoon As a couple, now is the perfect time to take a relaxing and indulgent holiday somewhere. Don’t choose a 10-mile hike in the mountains. Someplace where lounge chairs and swimming pools are more common than office buildings, with great restaurants and shops to browse. Somewhere the two of you can just hang out, sleep late, read books, and do whatever you want when you want. Check with your healthcare provider before heading off to parts unknown. She may suggest not traveling for a certain number of weeks before your partner’s due date or to certain parts of the world. Be excited about becoming a dad Finding out you’re going to be a dad is a little scary. You may have some reservations because of your own childhood, your financial situation, or the responsibility you’re going to have. Your partner may also share some of those worries and concerns, but burying your head in the sand and pretending the baby’s not going to arrive won’t help. Even if the impending change of lifestyle takes a while to sink in, you can definitely make the pregnancy experience more enjoyable for your partner if you show a bit of excitement about becoming a dad. Showing your partner that you’re excited will get her excited and happy about becoming a mom. You want her to be happy and excited. Celebrate! In a few months when the baby is born, you’ll be celebrating a new person’s presence in your life. Not just any new person, but the person who is on this Earth because of you. That’s pretty special! But it does come with a price — temporary sleep deprivation and a restricted social life. So make the most of your quiet nights and unlimited access to the outside world now! Take your partner out for a posh dinner somewhere fancy, visit a special place together — do whatever spins your wheels as a couple. Record that beautiful belly In our great-grandmothers’ and grandmothers’ days, having a whole litter of children was common, and the pregnant belly was hidden away as if it were some kind of obscenity. These days, though, it’s rare to have more than five or six children, and more usual for a woman to have one to three children in her lifetime. Celebrating the physical changes that take place during pregnancy, such as the voluptuous new shape of a pregnant belly and those plus-sized breasts that you gotta love, is now more usual. Most pregnant women, while despising the weight they put on, love their bellies, so get out your camera from week one and get snapping. Keep telling your partner how beautiful she is For many women, the hardest part of pregnancy is near the due date. Your partner may be having a difficult time getting comfortable at night and suffering from heartburn, hemorrhoids, and various aches and pains. She may have stretch marks, and her legs and feet may be sausage-shaped. Your partner’s tired all the time but can’t sleep. She wants her body back but is frightened about how she’s going to handle giving birth. You, as your partner’s great ally, her support, and her rock, will earn mega brownie points and endear yourself to her always if you keep telling her how beautiful she is. She wants to know that you still find her attractive — not just because of the way she looks, but because of who she is and the fact that she’s going to make a wonderful mother.

Article / Updated 10-28-2016

Wanting to find another partner, or at least have a romantic relationship with someone new, is natural. Your life doesn’t have to be all about being a father and working to support your family. But beware — you’re not the carefree single man you used to be. You now come with extras. When you go on dates or meet someone you’d like to be more than friends with, be honest from the outset that you have children. With the high rate of relationship breakups, it’s no longer unusual to be single with kids, so you needn’t feel self-conscious about it. By letting this person know you have kids from the outset, you’re letting her know how important your children are to you. Some women may not want to get involved with a man who has children — that’s okay, their loss. Talking about a new partner to your children The idea of a new special person in your life after all the mess and trauma of their parents’ breakup may be tough for your children to deal with at first. Initially your children may be confused when they think of how you used to be with their mom and now they’re seeing you with another woman. When you start dating or have met someone special, talk to your children about why you want to date and what it means for your family. Take things slowly and don’t rush your children into anything they’re not comfortable with. Thinking this new person is going to replace their mother may be very painful for your children. The reality is that children are likely to think of their birth mom as “mom,” but over time they can get used to the idea of having two moms. Give your children lots of time and let them know they can ask you lots of questions about your new partner. Be aware that your children may be resistant to the idea of your new partner. If possible, get their ideas for the first meeting and involve them somehow. It may be easier for your children to deal with the situation if they feel they have some sort of say over what happens. Your children may be secretly hoping that you and their mom are going to get back together. The idea of a new romance in your life will mean that’s not going to happen and can be tough for your kids to deal with. Surviving the meet and greet When you have found the right person, she’ll one day need to meet your children, and your children will want to meet her. The meeting doesn’t have to be stressful; it can be as simple as having any of your friends over to visit. You may want to choose this first meeting to happen in a neutral area, like a park, playground, or café. Keep it short, sweet, and casual, and don’t push your kids into liking this new person. After a few visits, chances are your children will get used to having your new girlfriend around. Again, never push them into liking her. It can take years for children to accept that a new person is around and that she’s going to become part of the family. Make it clear to your kids that your new partner or girlfriend isn’t replacing their mother, but is an addition to the family. Continue to support the relationship between your kids and former partner, and make her a priority in your kids’ lives. Ask her to do the same if she gets involved with another partner as well. This situation is probably pretty intense for your new partner too. Listen to the concerns she may have. Just as in any good relationship, you should foster an environment of open communication, where all of you can talk openly about anything, including feelings. Getting remarried If the time comes that you and your new partner decide to get married, get your kids involved with the whole shebang. Ask them what they would like to do. Tell them that this is a very special day for you, and it would be even more special if they helped. Cut them some slack if they’re not hugely enthusiastic about you getting remarried. After all, they may still be clinging to the way things used to be with you and their mom being married. Make sure you don’t get so wrapped up in the event on the day that you don’t notice your children looking lost and feeling sidelined. It can be helpful to have family dedicated to looking out for them and to give them loads of hugs and kisses, because the wedding’s a big day for them too. They now have a stepmom!