Etiquette Articles

Cheat Sheet / Updated 12-08-2022

Practicing proper etiquette means knowing the mechanics of dining, the correct amount to tip for a service, giving a gift graciously, and traveling with ease while exercising good manners.

Cheat Sheet / Updated 03-08-2022

As you go about your day and navigate the world with virtual meetings and cellphone calls — and deciding whether to respond to your aunt's latest post on your social media — it’s important to know the best way to connect, meet, respond, call, post, chat, and more. Before you pick up your phone in a movie theater, respond to a chat message that has a tone you don't like, or send an email to your boss, see this Cheat Sheet for some tips and reminders designed to ensure that you're coming across in the way you intend — in the best light possible.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Teaching your child phone etiquette and phone safety requires good sense and firm guidance. You want your children to learn how to communicate effectively, but you don't want them to take over the phone as their own personal property. Safety is another consideration. Every child who is old enough to manage a phone should know how to dial 9-1-1 and stay on the line. Don't overlook your responsibility to teach your children when and how to dial 9-1-1. Here are some suggestions regarding children, phone etiquette, and phone safety: Don't inflict toddlers on others via the phone. When Grandma (or anyone else!) calls, don't put your 2-year-old on the line unless that person asks to speak to the child. You may think that it's cute, but Granny and others may not be thrilled to get an earful of silence or babbling when calling long-distance. Even if the call is local, remember that the person called to speak with you, not your child. Similarly, avoid prolonged conversations with your child while your caller waits (patiently or impatiently) on the other end of the line. Discuss with other parents your desires regarding child-to-child calling times for preteens and teens. Establish the best time of day and a maximum duration for calls between kids, and then enforce the rules. Even though most kids have their own cell phones these days, the parents are still usually the ones who pay the bills and should have the final word in regard to when and for how long talking on the phone is appropriate. Teach children how to take a message. If a child is old enough to answer the phone, the child is old enough to take a name and number and promise a callback. Make sure that teenagers participate in equal access to telephones in the same way that they participate in equal dessert at dinnertime. Establishing a time limit for each call and a between-call time interval is fair. Otherwise, you won't receive incoming calls for anyone else in the house. Don't worry if your Shoshanna dials up her friend Justin to arrange a meeting at the coffee shop. The old business about girls not calling boys has pretty much disappeared. Examine your monthly telephone bills carefully. You may discover that one of your children is using the phone in a way that displeases you. Kids tell each other about little scams and pranks that they can play with the phone. Discuss exceptional charges and notations with the child. If your child has her own line or cell phone, consider placing limits on it. Your telephone or wireless phone company can provide useful limits on a telephone to keep your children — and your phone bills — safe. For example, you can arrange to block all outgoing 900-number calls and all long-distance calls. In other words, the youngster can use the home telephone only for local calls. Purchasing a calling card for cell-phone use can also limit large phone bills. Display positive cell-phone behavior with your children and teenagers. Remember, children learn by example. Even if your children are old enough to stay home alone, it is still wise to ask them not answer the home phone when you're away. As an extra safety precaution, tell them to let the calls go to the answering machine or voice mail.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

No matter what you call it — manners, courtesy, etiquette, or civility — you can associate it with leadership. When you take the lead in putting people at ease and making every situation pleasant, you exhibit poise. Poise comes from being self-confident. In today's climate, etiquette and civility are sometimes seen as snobbery. Others view polite behavior as a sign of weakness, and some professionals actually believe that it's impossible to get to the top while being gracious and polite. None of this is true. Knowing how and when to ask for what you want in a polite manner means empowerment. When you need to ask for something, be sure to remember the following: Speak up. Even if you feel intimidated or nervous, you can get around these roadblocks that undermine your efforts by speaking with confidence. Invite reactions, making it easy for your allies to respond to your request or expectation. Be open to constructive criticism. Be specific, focus clearly on what you really want or need, and ask for it. You may even want to jot down a few notes or rehearse mentally before making your request, especially if you're about to ask someone on a date. Don't undermine yourself. Adding on demeaning tag beginnings or endings — such as, "I know this is a stupid question, but. . ." or "I'm sorry to have to ask you this.. ." — makes you sound like you lack self-confidence. Being assertive doesn't equal rudeness. Take responsibility for nurturing and maintaining your own self-esteem. When you're competent in using basic assertive skills, you can feel confident to handle most situations and can achieve the respect you deserve.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

The way you initially address your parents-in-law can have a lasting effect on them and can shape the future of your relationships. Every family is unique, so here are some basic guidelines of etiquette to keep you in safe territory until you figure out what works best in your own extended family. If you can bring yourself to call your parents-in-law Mom and Dad, they'll probably be pleased. In many families, parents consider sons-in-law and daughters-in-law to be as close to them as their own children, and they appreciate that affectionate regard in return. But some people find this practice difficult, at least at first. The safest tactic is to confess your uncertainty and ask your parents-in-law how they wish to be addressed. Be prepared to honor their response. If they ask you to use their first names, do so. If your mother-in-law asks to be called Mother Smith, so be it. If the answer is Mom, call her Mom. When everyone's parents are present, you may call your own parents Mom and Dad and your spouse's parents Mother Jones and Father Jones. In all cases, using a pronoun instead of an actual name is an absolute no-no. When the person is within earshot, using words such as she and her is definitely not courteous, and the more you use them, the more rude they seem. You can usually address your spouse's grandparents with their last names appended, as in "Grandma and Grandpa Smith" (unless there is no ambiguity, in which case you can call them simply "Grandma and Grandpa"). Some grandparents don't wish to "sound so old" to their adult grandchildren, though. Ask directly what the grandparents prefer to be called.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

World travel can be quite stressful — even before you leave your home! Follow these travel tips to make your trip as enjoyable as possible and keep your manners intact: Every courtesy should be afforded when traveling, especially abroad. Remember the adage of “when in Rome.” Always be respectful of your differences, others’ customs, culture, and religion. Always dress appropriately. Be polite with all passengers and always be considerate to your traveling companions. Offer them your best smile and don’t lose your temper, no matter what. If you want to maintain composure, be as flexible as possible and don’t take rude incidents personally, even when you may be pushed and shoved! Practice patience. Make sure you have your travel documents in order. Always bring proper identification and, if traveling internationally, your passport, visa, and inoculation documents (if required). Leave your valuables at home in a safe. Purchase a slender wallet that hangs by a cord around your neck, under your shirt. Keep your passport, credit card, and large bank notes in that wallet. The best way to keep from suffering stress and anxiety while waiting to check in at an airport, railroad station, or bus terminal is to allow about twice as much time as your first impulse dictates. Use that same expansion of time at the other end of your journey. It can take a lot of time to gather your belongings and leave an airplane or train station. If you or your travel companion has any special needs, be sure to provide details to the airlines, hotels, or cruise ship before traveling.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

People usually think of the mechanics of eating when the word etiquette is mentioned and for good reason. Dining is one common area where rough edges show. To keep social and business dining situations less stressful here are some etiquette quick tips: Always introduce yourself to those around you at the table and talk with those on each side and across from you. Sit up straight at the table with your feet flat on the floor; it makes a good impression. If you must cross your legs, do so at the ankles. And keep your shoes on! The meal officially begins when the host unfolds his napkin. This is the guest’s signal to do the same. The napkin remains on your lap throughout the entire meal and should be used to gently blot your mouth. You can start eating when your host starts eating. If the first course is brought to the table in twos or threes and not everyone has food yet, don’t begin to eat; wait until all the people around you have been served the first course, and then begin to eat together. Sometimes the host may encourage you to “Go ahead, please don’t wait.” In this case, beginning eating is perfectly fine. Use the utensils farthest from the plate, working from the outside in. Remember the rule of solids to the left and liquids to the right. All properly set tables have glasses to the right (liquid) and solids to the left (bread and salad plates). Never cut your food into bits all at once; cut only two or three bits at a time. Take small bites and always remember to chew with your mouth closed — and don’t talk while you have food in your mouth. When you’re not eating, keep your hands on your lap or with wrists resting on the edge of the table. Elbows on the table are acceptable only at the end of the meal when no food is on the table. If you must leave the table during a meal for any reason, do so with as little interruption to others as possible. Politely and quietly excuse yourself, lay your napkin on your chair, and leave without fanfare. After the meal is over, the host signals the end of the meal by placing his napkin on the table. You should follow suit by placing your napkin neatly on the table to the left of your dinner plate, with no soiled areas showing. Don’t refold your napkin, wad it up, or place it on your plate.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Deciding on a gift for someone is a personal choice. Research and thought will make selecting a gift easier and more appropriate for the person and occasion. Remember the spirit of giving is what matters! Consider these gift-giving guidelines: When selecting a gift, consider the person’s hobbies and interests. A bit of research and thought can make the gift-selection process a whole lot easier. Pull together a list of gift ideas and roughly how much you want to spend. Many stores are online, so you can search the Internet for ideas and prices before you go shopping, or you can always buy online. Unless you’re absolutely sure of the person’s tastes, purchase gift certificates or gift cards in lieu of clothing. When searching for a gift for a family, consider any of the following: Photo album Travel journal Cookbook Tickets to a sporting event, concert, or play How-to DVD or book for a new hobby Gift certificate to a family restaurant or favorite store Book on CD Plant Food gift basket For a friend who is hosting a party, send a floral arrangement that complements her home and send it the day before or the day of the event. Some of the best gifts can’t be purchased at any store. Perhaps you have a skill or talent that you can use to create a painting, a handicraft item, or a piece of pottery. Giving a material gift isn’t the only way to go. The gift of your time for volunteer work or for helping out a friend or neighbor is also a form of giving — and one that may be appreciated more than a material item.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

In the United States, tipping is a voluntary practice in most places and is based upon your experience of a service or meal. Knowing how to tip gracefully is an important skill in etiquette. Here are some tipping suggestions: If you’ve received excellent service and food, you should tip 15 to 20 percent of the before-tax amount of the bill. If a wine steward or sommelier gives you special help selecting wine, tip equal to 15 percent of the price of the wine. Give your barber or hairstylist a 15 to 20 percent tip if you’re having a cut, color, or perm. If you have a separate colorist and stylist, each person should receive 15 to 20 percent of the cost of the particular service that she provided. If you’re having your hair set or washed and blow-dried, a 20 percent tip is sufficient. If other people in the salon help you (for example, if a junior assistant washes your hair), tip each person a few dollars for her service. If you have a manicure or pedicure, tip the manicurist a minimum of $3 or 15 percent of the cost of the manicure or pedicure. If a doorman carries your bag, give him $1 to $2 per bag. Give a doorman who hails you a cab $1. If a bellman arrives at your hotel room with your luggage, tip him $2 per bag. For a concierge who gets you into a fashionable restaurant, tip $10 to $20, or if the concierge gets you into the opening night of a popular play or opera, tip $20 per ticket. Tip the parking valet who retrieves your car $1 or $2. Give your hotel maid $3 per night.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

When you move into an apartment, you'll eventually meet the building superintendent (or building supervisor). The "super" handles maintenance and repair for the apartment building — either alone or by managing a staff. Either way, the super and his or her staff are an important part of your life in an apartment, and you'll need to form a good relationship. Making sure your building staff is attentive to your needs requires two things: cash and respect. Treat the staff well by tipping them, being friendly, and saying please and thank you, and they'll do their best to assist you. If you're cheap about tipping and treat them with a superior attitude, you'll regret it at some point. Tipping apartment building staff Christmas time is the traditional season for tipping staff, and you should be as generous as you can when filling those envelopes. But to make a really good impression, offer the staff some cash or other gifts at other times of the year when your generosity will stand out. Obviously, if someone comes to your apartment to make a repair, it's a good idea to add a small tip to your “thank you,” but if the staff member comes to your apartment to make a change that's being made to every apartment, then you don't have to tip. Tipping doesn't always have to be cash. If you're buying lottery tickets, buy one for your favorite staff member. If you're going out to get coffee, ask if they'd like a cup. If you have a party, make a plate of fresh goodies, or share some leftovers. Maintaining relationship boundaries with apartment building staff Strive for good relations with your apartment building staff. Find out a bit about them so that you can ask them about their spouse or children. If you share an interest, such as a favorite hobby or sports team, then you'll have a good topic of conversation when you see them. But unless you happen to really like a staff member and want to be friends, you should keep a little distance so that your relationship retains some professionalism. The depth of your relationship with the building superintendent or staff is up to you. While it's not a fine line, there is a line that you may not want to cross because of potentially sensitive situations. For example, if a staff member has a chronic problem, say drinking while on the job, then you might feel uncomfortable about reporting this behavior to the landlord because you've become too close. If you're a single woman, then that line has to well defined. If a staff member were to make an inappropriate advance, you'd then feel very uncomfortable when in the building, and this isn't an acceptable situation. So for single women, it's best to err on the side of caution and maintain firm boundaries. Some building residents will call the landlord to report the least little infraction committed by one of the building staff, and that's likely to backfire on that resident. Not only will the landlord ignore these reports after a while, but the reports will probably get back to the staff who may then feel less than willing to provide top-notch service to that resident. Staying proactive with apartment building staff If you know that you're going to be doing something that may come to the attention of the super or other staff members, such as having workers going in and out of your apartment or throwing a party for lots of friends, let the building staff know ahead of time and, if appropriate, tip them when you do so. They'll appreciate the cash and not being taken by surprise. And then, if other tenants complain to the building supervisor about your activity, he'll be able to act as a buffer because of your earlier communication.