9 Leadoff Losers to Avoid in Job Letters - dummies

9 Leadoff Losers to Avoid in Job Letters

By Joyce Lain Kennedy

There are standard ways not to open your job search letters. These leadoff losers are snatched from real correspondence supplied by recruiters and HR specialists. Comments in italics that follow each line colorfully express the employer’s silent point of view. Read and be warned!

  • I was recently let go due to a reduction in force, which is why I wish to apply for your position in merchandising.

    Nothing like starting on an upbeat note.

  • Having recently completed an assignment in the Commonwealth of Independent States (the former Soviet Union), I am interested in pursuing and advancing my career opportunities into this arena.

    Arena? What arena? Here . . . there . . . where?

  • In most organizations, job performance, whether excellent or inept, doesn’t count, as long as you conform and play politics. I believe that performance does count! I have recently been notified by Dunnie Pharmaceuticals that my R&D position will be eliminated in the near future.

    Does this translate to, “I wasn’t much of a team player?” Is that why the job seeker’s position is being eliminated?

  • I am currently in search of a job; I have no particular preference for any area, for as you can see from my included resume, my experience includes a broad range.

    One who will take anything masters nothing. As movie pioneer Sam Goldwyn once said, “Include me out.”

  • I am writing in response to the advertised position for a production coordinator. I am very interested in advancing in my field and making a transition into the aspects of the communications profession described in your ad.

    Do you want to advance in your field (which is what?), or do you want to make a transition, or do you want to do the work I need done?

  • If you or someone you know could use a graphic designer, please pass my resume to interested parties, or call me as soon as possible.

    If you’re asking me to be your agent, remember, agents get 15% off the top.

  • My partner and I are dissolving our business after 15 years of working together. I am interested in a position at Fred & Associates and have enclosed a resume for your review.

    A business divorce is rarely just one person’s fault: Are you a pain-in-the-back-country? And what is it you want to do for me?

  • When a customer calls for a quote, your firm’s future is in the hands of the sales staff. I have big hands.

    Huh? Close, but no cigar. And keep your hands to yourself.

  • To maintain solid growth, a company must have marketing and sales professionals who can jump on a market before the competition does. My background proves I can do that.

    Tell me something I don’t know. I’ve been in this business for 30 years.

Learn from your false starts. As the Japanese proverb has it, “Fall seven times, stand up eight.”