Mindfulness For Dummies

Mindfulness Articles

Tips for Living Mindfully in the Digital Age

The digital age has brought huge benefits: from saving lives in emergencies, to sharing information with the world, the advantages are countless. But without mindfulness, living in the digital age can drive you crazy! If you don’t turn your phone or computer off from time to time, your attention can be completely hijacked by websites, incoming messages, social media, games and more. Gadgets are so compelling. If you think that the digital age is getting too much, check out the suggestions supplied here to get yourself back in control.

Assess your level of technology and internet addiction

Nowadays, people seem to use their phones a lot. A recent survey of over 4,000 users found that . . .

• Average smartphone users check their phones 47 times a day.
• 85 percent of smartphone users will check their phone when speaking with friends and family.
• 80 percent of smartphone users check their phone within an hour of waking up or going to sleep.
• Almost half of all smartphone users have tried to limit their usage in the past.

When you find you’re spending more time on your phone than interacting with real people, it may be time to reassess your phone usage. Smartphone addiction is often fueled by Internet overuse, as it’s often the games, apps and online worlds that are most compelling. Here’s a quiz you can use to get an idea of just how addicted you are to your phone:

1. You’re doing some work and a phone rings in another room. Do you:
   1. Take no notice: it must be someone else’s; your phone is normally off.
   2. Ignore it and check it later.
   3. Walk casually to pick it up.
   4. Run to pick up the phone, sometimes tripping over or stubbing your toe in the process, and getting annoyed by anyone in the way.
2. You’re planning a holiday, but the hotel has no Wi-Fi and no phone signal. Will you go?
   1. Yes, why not?
   2. Oh, I’d love the chance to get a break from my devices. Heaven!
   3. Probably wouldn’t go there.
   4. No way! How can I have a vacation without my phone and/or laptop – that doesn’t make sense. I need a good phone signal and superfast Internet 24/7.
3. Where’s your phone right now?
   1. My what? Oh, phone . . . Err, no idea. I’m not sure if I have a phone actually.
   2. Somewhere around here.
   3. In this room.
   4. It’s right here – my beautiful, precious phone.
4. What do you use your phone for?
   1. Phone calls, of course. What else is it for?
   2. Calls and texts from time to time. Mainly emergencies.
   3. Call and texts. And picking up emails sometimes too. A few pictures.
   4. Everything. It’s my life! Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat, email, texting, photos, video, playing games, fitness, Skype. Oh yes, and ocassionally phone calls too.
5. Do you keep your phone nearby as you sleep?
   1. No way!
   2. Sometimes. Or just for my alarm clock. Don’t really check last thing at night or first thing in the morning.
   3. Quite often. Send the odd text and maybe have a peek at my messages first thing in the morning too.
   4. Every night. I sleep with my phone. It’s the last thing I look at before falling asleep and the first thing I see when I wake up. It’s a compulsion.

Add up your score: Each number is assigned that same point value. For example, if your answer was #2, then you award yourself two points. 5–10 points: you’re not really addicted to your phone at all – you’re probably too busy meditating. 11–15 points: you like your phone, but not that much. You’re still in control and can live comfortably without it. 16–18 points: you’re pretty dependent on your phone for many things. You might like to take a little break from your phone from time to time. 19–20 points: you love your phone. What if you lose your phone? Or it gets stolen? Make sure you have some moments in the day where you take a break from your device and do some mindful walking or stretching, or sit and meditate away from your phone. If you feel that your phone usage is out of control, try some of the tips in the section below to help, or consider getting professional help if you feel overwhelmed.

Use mindfulness to get back in control of yourself in the digital age

If you’ve discovered that you’re using digital devices to the point that they’re having a negative impact on your work or social life, it’s time to get back in control. You can manage overuse of digital devices in many ways. It’s not as hard as you may think. In fact, once you start using some of these strategies, you may find that you don’t even want to look at your mobile devices. Here are some techniques that you can try:

• Engage in other activities. You can participate in a new hobby regularly, such as knitting, gardening or playing an instrument. By paying mindful attention to your hobby and keeping your phones and computers out of the way, you’ll develop greater mindfulness. And you can also get on with a few household chores – you’ll feel good once they’re done. Again, keep your devices switched off and try focusing on the chore – it can be soothing and enjoyable to polish the dining table or clear your desk with full attention and a little smile.
• Make good use of flight mode, or switch your phone off. When you have an important task to do, try to keep your phone off or in flight mode. That way, you can’t be disturbed. The iPhone even has a new mode called ‘do not disturb’. This prevents calls and alerts from coming through.
• Set boundaries. Just before you go to bed, it’s important not to look at screens too much. Television, laptops and phones emit a light which signals to your body that it’s still daytime. Then you may have trouble falling asleep and may wake up tired. Also, you may not want to be disturbed at other specific times in the day. For example, when walking through the park keep your phone off and enjoy nature and the people around you. And obviously, when you’re with friends or family or eating a meal, switch your phone off or leave it out of the way. If distancing yourself from your phone sounds like a challenge, just try it once and see how that goes. Eventually, it can feel freeing to leave your gadgets behind.
• Switch off notifications. Does your computer beep each time an email comes through? Does your phone make a noise each time someone chats to you on social media or sends you a message? If so, you can end up with perpetual distraction. Every time you’re doing one task, you’re distracted by another. The more you keep switching your attention, the less your mindful awareness develops. Turn off as many notifications as you can. This way, you can focus on doing whatever you need to do with awareness.
• Be kind to yourself when you slip up. Ever had that feeling of frustration when you’ve spent the last hour or so just surfing the Internet rather than finishing your work? I have. But when you do eventually catch yourself doing this, don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s okay. Everyone has their downtime and gets distracted. Say to yourself, “It’s okay. Let me take a break from my computer and phone and have a little mindful walk. I’ll then come back with a smile and get on with my Everyone gets too caught up with the barrage of technology nowadays.”

If you feel you need more help to reduce your Internet usage, consider an evidence-based therapy like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to ease your compulsive behavior and change your perception about internet usage. Professional help can offer alternative ways of dealing with the underlying emotions and thoughts that may be fueling your smartphone use.

Use technology to enhance mindful awareness

If you’re looking for a way to enhance your mindfulness, you may want to avoid technology altogether – and that’s understandable. Use of technology can distract your mind. But for you, using digital devices may be part of your everyday life. Switching them off for an extended period may seem impossible to achieve. In such a case, you can make good use of mindfulness apps, websites and more.

You can download and use apps for mobile devices like phones and tablets. Simply search for mindfulness or meditation in the app stores and you’ll find lots of resources – take your pick. New apps come out every week! Popular ones at the moment are Insight Timer, Calm or Headspace. But there are many more.

If you use social media a lot, following people or organizations, such as Shamash Alidina, that offer mindful images, tweets and resources may help you.

You can also use software to help you focus mindfully on your work. One free piece of software that is helpful is called Self Control. It’s available free for Apple Mac computers, and there are equivalent software products for Windows PCs.

Don’t be discouraged. Even seasoned mindfulness practitioners need technology tools to help manage technology usage.

Mindfulness Articles

10 Top Tips for Mindful Living

Mindfulness is simple in essence — it’s about cultivating present-moment awareness more than anything else — but the difficulty is in practicing mindfulness consistently. This article gives you a series of short, easy ways of integrating the principles of mindfulness into your everyday life. Don’t underestimate their value – they may take relatively little time and seem overly simplistic, but many of these tips have been proven to be effective. Try them out for yourself and hold back your judgment until you’ve given the tools a try for at least a few weeks.

Spend some quiet time every day for more mindful living

Having some quiet time every day is the most important tip for mindful living. The importance of connecting with some form of mindfulness practice on a daily basis can’t be emphasized enough, preferably for ten minutes or more. By deliberately practicing mindfulness every day, you strengthen your mind’s ability to be more aware and awake. If you want to be more mindful, you need daily training, just as when if you want to become more physically fit, you need to exercise your body on a daily basis. If you only exercised once a week, you wouldn’t benefit as much. Your mind goes back to its original state even more quickly than the body does. To practice mindfulness on a daily basis can involve sitting still and feeling the sensation of your breathing, or doing some yoga, or simply sitting in your garden and looking at the trees and birds with a warm drink before starting work. Here are some ways to ensure that you remember to be mindful every day:

• Use the principle of habit stacking. Practice at the same time and in the same place every day, following from an existing habit in your routine. This way, mindfulness becomes part of your routine like brushing your teeth, and you’re much more likely to remember.
• Don’t push yourself too much. If ten minutes seems too long, just do whatever you can manage. You can gradually build up the time for which you practice.
• Put reminders on your mirror, refrigerator, computer or phone. When you see the reminder, do a little meditation.

Connect with people to be more mindful

In the first instant that you meet someone, within a split second, you judge them. You may think they're too fat or too thin, you don’t like their hairstyle, they remind you of someone you don’t like. Your mind instantly tries to categorize, which is why first impressions are so important in interviews. The moment you make an initial judgment of a person, you begin to look for evidence to support your theory. If they don't look you in the eye properly, or fail to say thanks, you take these moments as evidence about them, and your opinion becomes more fixed. Then, you create an image in your mind. You think that you know this other person, when all you know are your own judgments of them. When you meet someone, connect with your senses rather than your ideas. Look the person in the eye in a natural way. Listen to what they have to say, rather than thinking about what you’re about to say. Be curious and ask questions rather than imposing your own perceptions so much. See things from the other person’s point of view — what would you be like in that person’s situation? How would you feel, and what would you want? By being less judgmental of others, you’ll also become less judgmental of yourself, and vice versa.

Mindfulness is about paying attention with a sense of warmth and kindness, as well as a sense of curiosity and openness. Bring these attitudes to the relationship and see what happens.

Enjoy the beauty of nature to be more mindful

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness. John Muir Nature has a way of drawing a mindful awareness from you, rather than you forcing yourself to be mindful. Walking among old trees with their branches overhanging the path you’re treading, smelling the scent of freshly cut grass, or listening to the birds sing and the twigs crunching under your feet, you can’t help but be aware in the moment. Gardening is also a wonderful way of connecting with nature and experiencing “flow." Absorb yourself in tasks, such as weeding and planting, and enjoy the fruits of your labors as you see tiny shoots grow into beautiful plants and flowers.

If you have a garden or live near a park or a bit of greenery, realize how fortunate you are. Take time to reconnect with mother nature — make time for doing so. Nature is a miraculous living being, and you’re part of that life.

As a child you may have loved to play in natural surroundings, jumping in puddles and sliding in mud. With your acute senses, perhaps you were quite happy to explore and observe all day long if permitted. Try reconnecting with a childlike innocence and visit a natural environment, whatever that means to you. In a famous study in a care home, half the elderly folk were given a plant to look after themselves, and the other half were given a plant but told that the nurses would look after it. Those who had responsibility to water and nurture the plants lived significantly longer than the others. The study concluded that responsibility gave the elderly a sense of control, leading to longer life. The study also suggests that not only looking at nature in a passive way, but also growing plants and ensuring that they thrive as best you can, is a healthy and life-enhancing activity to engage in on a regular basis.

Change your daily routine for more mindful living

Humans are creatures of habit. If you think about the things you’ve done today, they’re probably the same things you’ve done many times before. One way of being more mindful is to change your routine. Yes, you have to get up, get dressed, go to work and so on, but you don’t have to do all that in exactly the same way. And what about the way you spend your free time (if you’re lucky enough to have free time)? Do you always do the same hobbies, watch the same kind of movies, read the same type of books, meet the same sort of people, think the same sort of thoughts? The answer is probably yes. Try changing your routine to boost your mindful awareness. When you’re in your routine lifestyle, your mind goes into a sleep state. You’re less likely to notice the good things happening around you. You’re unable to think creatively.

By making just small changes in your routine, your brain wakes up. You gently nudge yourself out of your comfort zone. And in that more awakened state, you’re immediately more mindful.

Choose one of these options to help shift out of your automatic-pilot living:

• Meet up with a friend you haven’t seen for ages.
• Drive to work without switching on the radio.
• Pick up a random book next time you’re in a bookshop or library and read a chapter.
• Try signing up to an evening class to learn a new skill such as painting, photography, or pottery — ideally something that may push you out of your comfort zone a little.
• Switch around your daily morning routine — maybe have breakfast before having a shower, or vice versa
• Do a random act of kindness today. Make tea for a coworker. Pick up some litter from the ground. Or even just take extra care of some plants or your pet today.

See the wonder of the present moment

Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift: that’s why it’s called the present. This moment is the only moment you have, and you have it right now. Memories of the past come up in the present moment. Ideas of the future are shaped by past experience and projected into an imagined tomorrow. In reality, this present moment is all that’s available. If you’re currently going through a difficult time, you probably don’t think that the present moment is wonderful at all. That’s okay. You can remember that you don’t have to worry too much about the future and only need to cope with whatever you’re facing here and now. In this sense, being in the present moment is helpful — you don’t need to worry about the future.

To really appreciate the present moment, feel your senses. Connect with your sense of sight. Notice the range of different colors in front of you. Reflect on the fact that this experience of color is partly due to a large amount of biochemical reactions rapidly turning into electrical impulses going into your brain, leading to this incredible experience called color.

What would it be like to see color for the first time? How would you describe the experience to someone who’d never seen color before? Try looking without naming objects or people – just connect with the bare awareness of light itself. Be grateful you have eyes that are able to see in the first place. Look with the effortless gaze of a child. Another way to really connect with the present is to focus on your breathing. Think these words while breathing in and out, if you find them helpful:

• Breathing in: "I am in the present moment."
• Breathing out: "This is a wonderful moment."

If you don’t like feeling your breathing, you could try feeling your feet on the floor, listening to the sounds around you or simply gazing at the sky curiously for a few moments. Experiment! Find what you find most enjoyable or engaging.

Listen to unpleasant emotions with mindfulness

How do you see the wonder of the present moment if you feel down, upset or annoyed? In these situations, don’t try to impose a different emotion on what you’re experiencing. Be in the present moment and open up the emotion as best you can. Give yourself time to feel it rather than immediately running from it. Remember that all emotions have a beginning and an end — try to see the feeling as a temporary visitor. Additionally, see yourself as separate from the emotion. The emotion rises and falls, but you maintain a sense of stability and greater emotional balance. Imagine that someone turns up at your front door and rings the doorbell. You decide to ignore the sound. The bell rings again and again. You get frustrated and try all sorts of ways of distracting yourself from the sound of the doorbell, but you can’t. And all that work distracting yourself means you can’t get on with your day. By simply opening the door and allowing the person ringing the bell to come in, you can stop all your avoidance strategies and do what matters. You’re facing your fears. You’re looking toward the unpleasant emotions rather than running away (which is an understandable response). Moving toward the emotion, without forcing it to go away, often has the effect of dissipating the emotion. The emotion comes in, has a cup of tea or whatever, and off it goes. The emotion just wanted some mindful awareness. The idea is to offer just that — becoming aware of the emotions you spend so much time running away from with a kind, curious, open, non-judgmental awareness, as best you can. Explore and discover what effect this has on negative emotions in the long run, not to get rid of them, but to learn from them.

If you practice mindfulness to try to get rid of an emotion, that’s not mindfulness. That’s avoidance, which is the opposite of what we’re trying to cultivate. Avoidance is like putting fuel in the fire of your emotions: They’ll just get stronger. The idea is to allow the emotion space to be in your awareness, acknowledge and learn from it, and then to continue on with whatever matters to you. You are above your emotions as you’re aware of them. You don’t need to let the emotion rule your life.

Remember that thoughts are just thoughts

If you had the thought, “I’m a flying, pink chimpanzee,” you obviously wouldn’t believe it. That’s a crazy idea. Then why do you believe thoughts like “I’m useless” or “I’ll never get better” or “I can’t go on”? They’re thoughts too, that have just popped into your head. Don’t believe everything you think. Your mind often makes assumptions and inferences that simply aren’t true. “I’m feeling low at the moment” may be true, but “I’ll always be depressed” is not. “I find it annoying when she doesn’t do her chores” may be true, but “She never helps me” is unlikely to be true. Thoughts are just words, images and sounds that pop up in your mind. But most of the time, you get hooked to your thoughts and believe them to be true. But you don’t have to. As you discover how to observe the nature of your mind in mindfulness, you realize from experience that thoughts are always arising in your mind, no matter how much mindful practice you do. Even people who’ve been practicing mindfulness for years have plenty of thoughts. The thoughts aren’t going to stop. You simply need to change your relationship to thoughts. Seeing thoughts as just thoughts rather than facts makes a world of difference. If the thought “I’m pathetic” comes up and you believe whatever arises in your mind, you’re bound to feel low and uneasy. However, if exactly the same thought comes up and you’re mindful of it, you see it as just a thought and not a fact. This takes much of the sting out of the thought, and you’re free to dismiss it and carry on with whatever you’re doing, relatively untouched. This is freedom. Freedom, or peace of mind, isn’t about stopping your thoughts, but seeing thoughts as just thoughts and not giving them too much attention, and not believing them as reality. I believe that reality is contained in the here and now, beyond ideas and concepts. This implies that you’re not your mind — you’re the observer, the silent witness, always complete, whole, and free.

If you practice meditation regularly, you begin naturally to take a step back from your thinking. Normally, if you have a thought, you act on it, especially if you aren’t fully conscious of the thought. In meditation, you observe the thought without acting on it. You see your thoughts as a pattern, as energy moving through your mind.

Be grateful every day

Gratitude is the best attitude! Gratitude is when you discover how to want what you have and not want what you don’t have. Usually, people want what they don’t have and don’t want what they do have. This is bound to lead to a sense of dissatisfaction. You can practice gratitude right now. Millions of people in the world don’t have a single book. Think about the fact that you can read — another skill inaccessible to millions. Gratitude requires mindfulness. Let's say you're cooking. To be grateful of how fortunate you are to have food available to you requires you to be mindful, and that brings you into the present moment. Here are some ways to nurture feelings of gratitude:

• Sleep with gratitude. Before going to sleep, spend a minute or two thinking about five things you’re grateful for. They can be very simple things, and you don’t have to feel hugely grateful for them. Just go through each one and see what effect that has on your sleep. To enhance the experience, consider why you’re grateful for them too.
• Say thank you. This is a simple act but very powerful. Saying thank you is both an act of gratitude and kindness — you’re making clear to the other person that you’ve recognized their generosity.
• Carry out an action to say thanks. Send a thank-you card or a small gift, or do something like making coffee or helping someone with her work. As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words.
• Try being grateful for things you wouldn’t normally be. For example, when things are difficult, you can be grateful for the challenge the difficulty offers. Be grateful for access to running water or for your ability to hear. Or try being grateful for being alive in the first place — perhaps this is the greatest miracle.

Here’s an extract from a wonderful poem by an unknown author, on thanks and gratitude:

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary, because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfilment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

Use technology mindfully

Just as plants and animals evolve to better survive and thrive in their environment, technology has also evolved over time. And part of technology’s evolution has been to become both faster and more addictive. With the advent of smart phones, you can use technology from the very moment you wake up until you drift off to sleep. And even if you wake up in the middle of the night, you can find yourself checking social media or surfing the web before you know it. Video games are another form of technology that’s highly addictive. Some people spend so long playing games, it affects their work and home lives and has even lead to marriage breakups. I’m not dismissing the huge benefits of technology, but you need to manage your use of digital devices. Here are some tips:

• Have a digital detox day or half day once a week. Give your brain a break.
• Charge your phone in your kitchen at night. This is a clever way of keeping your phone away from the side of your bed each night. This way you can start your mornings mindfully and tech-free.
• Be courteous. Switch off your phone at mealtimes or when out with friends and family. Challenge yourself and see whether you can resist the temptation to check your phone at the table, even if your friend does.
• Go for a walk without your phone. If you’re not used to this, you’ll probably find the experience strange at first and then tremendously refreshing. I love doing this regularly.
• Make a note of how many times you check your phone in a day. That’s an experience of mindfulness in itself. Average users check their phones over 100 times a day! Switch off your phone for chunks of the day and find something more enjoyable to do with your time.
• Surf the urge to use technology. When you feel the desire to use technology but don’t really have to, notice the feeling in your body. See whether you can ride that urge, just feeling it and relaxing into it. Each time you do that, your addiction will lessen until eventually the urge will disappear completely.

Breathe and smile!

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile. Charles Chaplin The muscles in your face link with your feeling of happiness. When you’re happy, you smile — you know that of course. But did you know that smiling can make you feel better? Try the process right now, no matter how you feel. Simply hold a subtle, gentle smile as you read these sentences. Continue for a few minutes and note what effect the smiling has. Combine this with feeling your own breathing.

You can apply this technique of feeling your breathing and smiling gently in a systematic way every day for ten minutes, or while you’re going about your daily activities. Think of it as yoga for your mouth!

In this way you can be mindful doing whatever you’re doing, whether washing the dishes, writing a report or waiting in a queue. Each moment is an opportunity to come back to the here and now, the present moment. You don’t need anything extra — your breath and smile are both highly portable! You may feel reluctant to smile right now, because you don’t think that the smile is genuine. You’ll smile when you’re happy, not now. Just try it out. Yes, you’re bound to feel unnatural at the beginning but that soon goes. Just give it a try, even though it feels strange, and see what happens after a time. As is often said: "Fake it till you make it!"

Mindfulness is not about forcing your yourself to feel better — it’s more about bringing a sense of curiosity to your feelings and thoughts and gaining information from them, whatever you’re experiencing. Being aware of thoughts or feelings and accepting them as they are is far more important than trying to change your thoughts or feelings.

Mindfulness Articles

How to Practice Acceptance for Mindfulness

Acceptance turns out to be one of the most helpful attitudes to bring to mindfulness. Acceptance means perceiving your experience and simply acknowledging it rather than judging it as good or bad. For some people, the word "acceptance" is off-putting — replace it with the word acknowledgement, if you prefer. For example, when you feel pain, whether it’s physical, such as a painful shoulder, or mental, such as depression or anxiety, the natural reaction is to try to avoid feeling the pain. This seems very sensible because the sensation of physical or mental pain is unpleasant. You ignore it, distract yourself, or perhaps even go so far as turning to recreational drugs or alcohol to numb the discomfort.

Dealing with 'the second arrow'

This avoidance may work in the immediate short term, but before long, avoidance fails in the mental and emotional realm. You still feel the pain, but on top of that, you feel the emotional hurt and struggle with the pain itself. Buddha called this the "second arrow." For example, if a warrior is injured by an arrow and unleashes a thought like "why did this happen to me?" that’s a second arrow. You may inflict this on yourself each time you feel some form of pain or even just a bit of discomfort, rather than accepting what has happened and taking the next step. Avoidance — running away — is an aspect of the second arrow and compounds the suffering. Acceptance means stopping fighting with your moment-to-moment experience. Acceptance removes that second arrow of blame, criticism, or denial.

Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation. This doesn’t mean, "If you think you can’t do something, accept it" — that would be giving up rather than accepting. Acceptance refers to your experience from moment to moment.

Perhaps you sit down to meditate and feel bombarded by thoughts dragging you away again and again. If you don’t accept the fact that your mind likes thinking, you become more and more frustrated, upset and annoyed with yourself. You want to focus on the meditation but just can’t. In the above example:

• First arrow — lots of thoughts entering your mind during meditation.

• Second arrow — not accepting that thoughts are bound to come up in meditation. Criticizing yourself for having too many thoughts.

• Solution — to acknowledge and accept that thoughts are part and parcel of meditation. You can do this by gently saying to yourself "thinking is happening," or "it’s natural to think," or simply labeling it as "thinking . . . thinking."

By acknowledging the feeling, thought or sensation and going into it, the experience changes. Even with physical pain, try experimenting by actually feeling it. Research has found that the pain reduces. But remember, you’re not acknowledging it to get rid of the feeling. That’s not acceptance. You need to acknowledge the sensation, feeling, or thought without trying to change it at all. Pure acceptance of what is upsetting you, just as it is.

Easing into discomfort

One way to relax into the discomfort is by courageously turning to the sensation of discomfort, and simultaneously feeling the sensation of your own breath. With each out-breath, allow yourself to move closer and soften the tension around the discomfort. If all of this acceptance or acknowledgement of your pain seems impossible, just try getting a sense of it and make the tiniest step toward it. The smallest step toward acceptance can set up a chain of events ultimately leading towards transformation. Any tiny amount of acceptance is better than none at all. Another aspect of acceptance is to come to terms with your current situation. If you’re lost, even if you have a map of where you want to get to, you have no hope of getting there if you don’t know where you are to begin with. You need to know and accept where you are before you can begin working out how to get to where you want to be. Paradoxically, acceptance is the first step for any radical change. If you don’t acknowledge where you are and what’s currently happening, you can’t move on appropriately from that point. Here are some ways you can try to cultivate acceptance:

• Gently state the label of the experience you aren’t accepting. For example, if you’re not accepting that you’re angry, state in your mind, to yourself, "I’m feeling angry at the moment . . . I’m feeling angry." In this way, you begin to acknowledge your feeling.

• Notice which part of your body feels tense and imagine your breath going into and out of the area of tightness. As you breathe in and out, say to yourself, "It’s okay. It’s already here . . . It’s already here."

• Consider how much you accept or acknowledge your current thoughts/feelings/sensation on a scale of 1 to 10. Ask yourself what you need to do to increase your acceptance by 1, and then do it as best you can.

• Become really curious about your experience. Consider: "Where did this feeling come from? Where do I feel it? What’s interesting about it?" In this way, the curiosity leads you to a little more acceptance.

In the realm of emotions, the quickest way to get from A to B isn’t to try and force yourself to get to B, but to accept A. Wholehearted acceptance leads to change automatically.