Kate Burton

Cheat Sheet / Updated 02-25-2022

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is about increasing your options instead of being restricted by your experience and saying, "this is the way I do things, and this is how it has to be." To benefit from NLP, be bold, and open yourself up to questioning and challenging your norms.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

As you navigate your way through an average day you're faced by a constant barrage of questions: shall you do this or that, go here or there, speak to this person or that one, buy this brown loaf or that white roll? Some decisions are obviously insignificant — hey, splash out, have a wholemeal sandwich today and a white bap tomorrow — but life-changing choices take more careful thought. When you're taking important decisions, one option is to ask someone else for her advice rather than find your own way through. Doing so rarely works out. Another, more helpful, option is to become your own neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) coach by honing your self-questioning skills and building a personal repertoire of useful questions. A skilled NLP coach is a master at powerful questions — those that make you stop and think deeply for yourself. Consider the most important question you've ever been asked or an important question you've asked yourself; for example, how do you get to do work you love, shall you change where you live, what would happen if you made a life-long commitment to this person or what is the meaning of life? Now think about what enabled you to make a good decision based on your response to that question. Maybe you asked yourself, 'What's the worst/best thing that could happen'? or the classic NLP question, 'What do I want'? If you're facing a situation that's making you feel anxious and you don't know what to do, ask yourself, 'What do I know to be true right now'? Doing so will enable you to avoid catastrophic thinking and focus on the decision you need to make right now based on reality rather than the notions of an over-active imagination. A friend has been happily married for 11 years to a man who some people feared was unsuitable: he came from a completely different culture and spoke very little English. When considering whether to commit to this relationship, she apparently asked herself, 'What if I just assume it doesn't have to be forever, and we can just have fun for five years?' Looking at the situation in this way enabled her to take the first step. To gain a sense of perspective, get into the habit of asking yourself appropriate questions when you're feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated and facing key decisions and difficult conversations — even when the decision is as simple as, 'What bread would I like today'?

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Rapport is one of the four pillars of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP). When someone likes you it's easier for you to get your message heard and understood, and also for you to influence them. When people like you, they're more open to being persuaded by you, willing to help you and to want to be around you, whether in a business or personal setting. Some people find being likeable, charming, and charismatic really easy while others are left wondering how these seemingly innate characteristics passed them by. The good news is that you can learn and hone these personality traits! It's no accident that rapport is one of the four pillars of NLP. You can learn to build to rapport and increase your likeability factor, and it starts with being aware of everyone's favourite radio station, WII FM. Tuning in to Radio WII FM Radio WII FM — What's In It For Me — is the station that people all tune into at a deep unconscious level. You need to tune into your own wavelength. Having an awareness of and ability to focus on your own emotional and physical needs without being self-centred or narcissistic allows you to maintain a healthy self-image and be comfortable in your own skin. When you know your limits and boundaries, you're able to give help and care freely and open-heartedly. People will tune in in droves to hear you, giving you a larger reach to a more receptive audience. Employing the 'You Focus' All great communicators and influencers employ the 'You Focus' principle, whether at a conscious or subconscious level. As the novelist Maya Angelou said, 'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.' It's as easy to make someone feel bad as it is to make him feel good. If you permit your bad mood to colour an interaction or are rude and uncaring, people may excuse you once or twice but you may find yourself increasingly isolated. You want people to feel good in your company and one way to do so is to make them feel that they matter and that you're genuinely interested in them. You can demonstrate interest by paying attention to what they say, making eye contact, asking questions, showing that you hear and understand them and allowing space before responding so they know you're thinking about what they said. It's often said that 'people like people like themselves', thus on the face of it you can increase your likeability factor by being more like the person or people you want to be liked by. To do so you need to understand 'how' they think and modify your body and verbal language to match their style. NLP shows you that some of the most unconscious filters, such as values and meta programs, can have the greatest positive or negative impact on a relationship. Understanding why you want to be liked is also useful. You'll have greater success if your motivation is genuinely wanting to help others rather than manipulating them or feeding your own ego.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) can help you achieve a more healthy, less stressful lifestyle. If you lead a busy life, constrained by commitments and deadlines, finding time to do the 'important but less urgent' things can be difficult. Financial planning, house renovation, and meeting up with old friends can all be put on the back burner. And when it comes to health, you may have joined the gym, signed up for that online wonder diet regime, and invested in the latest running shoes — but that longed-for change just isn't happening. Can Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) help you achieve that desired change? Yes — in three ways: identifying what you want; finding someone who's done it before and dividing the task into smaller steps: Focusing on what you want: NLP calls your goals 'well-formed outcomes,' and you first need to engage all your senses to notice what the desired change will look, feel, sound, taste and smell like. With these details fixed in your unconscious mind, you'll be working towards something positive that you do want rather than trying to get away from something negative. The healthy unconscious mind thrives on positive thinking. Finding a role model: NLP took shape by modelling experts in their field and hanging out with them. If you want to be healthier in some way, you may need to choose your friends carefully. Or at least duck out of sharing in their less than healthy habits. When everyone else is out for another lengthy and unhealthy lunch, consider just dropping in for a cup of tea. Breaking the change into manageable steps: Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will you be two stone lighter or running a marathon overnight. Setting yourself unrealistic goals is counter-productive. Even if you crash diet, the weight will eventually go back on as you become bored. However, taking things day by day and week by week is a much more achievable and motivational approach. NLP calls dividing a goal into smaller and more manageable tasks 'chunking'. Thus, you can chunk down from your big outcome — 'I want to be fit and healthy' — to 'I'm going to have a fit and healthy day today' or 'I'll lose 2lb a week for as long as it takes' or 'I'll go for a brisk walk every Thursday evening'. Gradually, you will become fitter and healthier! Above all, in making any change, remember to be kind to yourself.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Here are some ways in which neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) can enable you to seize the positive aspects of your life and enjoy life so much more: Believe that 'behind every behaviour is a positive intent'. Taking this NLP pre-supposition on board will change your view on any encounter with a 'difficult person'. Use all your senses to engage with the delightful things that happen in each and every day. Pay attention to the positives and keep a small notebook by your bed to record them before you go to sleep. Increase your flexibility. Remember that the person who's more flexible in her behaviour gets the best results. Changing your behaviour means that things will change around you. Step into someone else's shoes. When you're struggling to get along with someone who's different to you, imagine what it's like to be them. Find role models who convey positivity. What do these people do and how do they think? Notice what you can learn by taking some of their attributes on board. Look after your body as well as your mind. After all, they're clearly connected. Build rapport with those around you. You don't have to like people to feel a connection with them. Creating a sense of rapport means you'll experience more enjoyable encounters with others. Know what's most important to you in life and honour those values. Adhering to your values can get you through the most difficult of times. Let go of unhelpful negative emotions. Take what can be learnt from unpleasant feelings or experiences and then move on and simply enjoy the present moment. Anchor your most enjoyable experiences. Remember all the good times in full and glorious technicolour!

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) shows you that the meaning you attribute to an experience is dependent on the way you unconsciously code the pictures, sounds, and feelings associated with that experience. You can discharge the negative impact of a past event by changing the coding of the mental pictures, sounds, and feelings that are evoked when you think about it. For example, to change its effect, you can make pictures brighter or less colourful and sounds louder or more muted. If you become conscious of where a particular feeling is located in your body, you can move it somewhere else.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Don't drive through your life with one foot on the brake because you're trying to live up to other people's expectations. Taking personal responsibility and really motoring is so much easier when you understand who you are at your core and what you want to achieve in life. You can take action when what you do allows you to live your life with purpose and makes your soul sing.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) recognises that people use unconscious patterns of behaviour as strategies to get through life. Becoming aware of these patterns is very useful so that you can do more of what works for you and change those that get in the way of your success. If your strategy for dealing with mistakes is to dwell on their negative consequences, you can change this pattern of behaviour by viewing them as feedback rather than failure. Ask yourself what you learned from each experience and what you'd do differently in future.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

When you blame other people, you give away your power. You allow them to affect your environment, behaviour and well-being, the results you achieve, and how you feel. Blaming others is incredibly debilitating because it takes control away from you, making you feel powerless and helpless. Taking personal responsibility is wonderfully freeing and empowering because you recognise that you decide how to feel, how to react to circumstances, and what you choose to do — or, indeed, not to do. On the flip side, realising that you have to deal with the consequences of your decisions, without the luxury of being able to blame circumstances or other people, can be really scary.

Article / Updated 03-26-2016

You can find yourself paralysed into inaction for fear of making mistakes and being taken to task. Sadly, mistakes are one of life's certainties, especially if you decide to live your life to the full and take risks. When you're afraid of doing something, it's worth asking yourself whether you are stopping yourself from doing something because you're afraid of how someone reacted previously; are you allowing a past experience to affect your present thinking; are you allowing yourself to stay anchored to a past event where you saw yourself as a 'failure' and are reliving negative feelings?