Dad's Guide To Pregnancy For Dummies, 2nd Edition
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When you and your partner are trying to get pregnant there are some do's and don'ts for scheduling sex. Just because you've written sex down on your calendar doesn't mean it's just another obligation that eats up your time and lacks excitement. After all, this appointment has a far bigger upside than the average visit to the dentist.

Because you have only a few ideal times each month to conceive, you need to make time for sex on those days, which requires planning. Follow these do's and don'ts to make sure your sex life doesn't suffer for the sake of conception.

  • Do put sex on your calendar. Believe it or not, looking forward to intercourse all week can be very exciting. Verbal foreplay leading up to intercourse only increases the excitement.

  • Do plan a date that night if possible to make it a full-fledged romantic evening. Making it just about the sex increases your pressure to perform.

  • Do engage in foreplay. On TV and in movies, you often see the ovulating woman demand sex the minute her body temperature leads her to believe it's the best time. Make sure to keep it romantic and intimate. Some light massage, touching, and kissing should do the trick.

  • Do mix it up. Remember that although some positions are supposed to be better when you're trying to conceive, that doesn't mean you have to stay in the same one the whole time.

  • Do keep it spontaneous. Knowing the exact date you're going to have sex doesn't mean the setting has to stay the same. Play music, light candles, take a warm bath (not too hot — remember, you don't want to overheat the boys!), or even play out a fantasy if your partner is onboard.

  • Do help make the aftermath enjoyable. Your partner may want to elevate her legs and stay in bed for a while after intercourse to give the semen the best chance to stay put. Help her elevate her legs, and then put on her favorite show or read to her from a book. Don't just get up and leave her alone.

  • Do have unscheduled sex. Letting nature run its course every once in a while is okay, even when your road to conception is more like driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic than the autobahn. After ejaculation, sperm can live in a woman's reproductive tract for up to five days.

  • Don't try too hard. Sex carries its own set of complex, anxiety-inducing expectations, but now that the expectations include creating a baby, the pressure can become downright overwhelming. If you experience performance issues, either mental or physical, due to the stress of the moment, talk it out with your partner. You won't do anyone a favor by having sex as if you're taking the SAT.

  • Don't talk about the baby. Unless talking about getting her pregnant is a turn-on to your partner, keep the baby discussion out of the sex equation. Although trying to have a baby does indeed require sex, talking about getting her pregnant while engaging in intercourse likely won't set your bedroom on fire.

  • Don't drink before you have sex. Alcohol can cause performance issues, and the last thing you want to do is let your partner down because you had one too many beers.

  • Don't assume your partner isn't interested in both pleasure and conception. In fact, studies show that women who orgasm have a greater chance of conceiving than those who don't.

  • Don't make her laugh afterward. Keeping a sense of humor during sex is always a good thing, but keep the comedy to a minimum after you ejaculate. Laughing tenses muscles that cause the semen to come out, reducing the chance of conception.

About This Article

This article is from the book:

About the book authors:

Matthew M.F. Miller is a father of two and author of Maybe Baby: An Infertile Love Story. Sharon Perkins is a seasoned author and registered nurse with 25+ years' experience providing prenatal and labor and delivery care.

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