When Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm
7 of 12 in Series: The Essentials of Women's Sexual Health
The main female sexual problem, simply stated, is that many women don’t have orgasms or have difficulty reaching orgasm. Ninety-five percent of women who aren’t having orgasms are actually pre-orgasmic: they are capable of orgasm, but they need help learning how to achieve orgasm. Because every woman is different, there are no perfect tips on reaching the perfect female orgasm. Learning what gives you an orgasm, followed by what gives you a fabulous orgasm, is part of the overall procedure of becoming orgasmic.
A woman should never feel pressured into having an orgasm by society, by the man in her life, or even by reading this article. When it comes to sex, pressure has just the opposite of the intended effect . . . even if the person putting the pressure on you is you, yourself. If you’re desperate to have an orgasm, that desperation is only going to make it tougher for you to achieve orgasm. The most important step in becoming orgasmic is learning to relax. And, if you really don’t ever want to have an orgasm, then that’s okay, too, as long as you are honest with yourself, and you don’t just say that because you think that you can’t learn.
Masturbating: Masturbation is an integral part of a sex therapist’s repertoire. Studies have found that most teenage girls do not masturbate, which means they haven’t discovered what sensations please her. But to be orgasmic, a woman may have to teach her partner how to please her — which means already knowing the basics.
Employing a vibrator: For women who just can’t seem to give themselves orgasms, try buying a vibrator. Vibrators can often supply the added stimulation that these women need. Not every woman uses the vibrator directly on her clitoris because the sensations are too intense; others absolutely need to. Some women who use vibrators also need to have the feeling of something filling their vaginas, and so they may insert a dildo into their vaginas while using the vibrator on their clitorises.
Forging ahead: Some women have all the physical signs of being about to reach an orgasm, but all of a sudden they reach a flat moment. The key to overcoming the flat moment is to keep at it. The problem is a fairly common occurrence but only a momentary thing. If the stimulation keeps up, then a woman will go back upward on the arousal curve and have her orgasm.
Missing orgasms: Unlike a woman who can’t have an orgasm, a woman who has missed orgasms does have an orgasm, at least physiologically, but the sensations don’t register in her brain. She has all the outward physical signs of an orgasm, but none of the pleasure. This is best handled with the help of a sex therapist.
Relaxing with your partner: Some women are definitely orgasmic because they can give themselves orgasms through masturbation anytime they want to, but they can’t have orgasms with their partners. The key is to relax. Sometimes the problem is as simple as too little foreplay. Sex therapists also suggest masturbating in front of your partner or guiding your partner's hand through masturbation.
Faking it: While you shouldn’t fall back on faking an orgasm, it’s okay to fake it occasionally.
The most important ingredient in discovering how to have orgasms is a relaxed atmosphere. Having a partner around, even someone you love very much, may not be relaxing enough for you to have an orgasm. Sometimes you just need permission to figure out what feels good without the pressure of having an orgasm.