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Published:
December 2, 2009

Wedding Etiquette For Dummies

Overview

Your expert guide to the dos and don'ts of getting married

Your wedding should be fun, exciting, and worry-free-but most brides, grooms, and their families run into sticky situations or unique circumstances that surround etiquette. Now, there's a definitive guide that provides the solutionsfor all those dilemmas big and small.

Wedding Etiquette For Dummies provides sound information and guidance-whether it's deciding how to handle divorced parents, inform guests of where the couple is registered, or tastefully incorporate new traditions into your ceremony and reception. You get plenty of proven advice and tips for everything from who pays for the wedding and properly announcing the engagement to hosting events leading up to the wedding and dealing with destination wedding snags and pitfalls. You'll even see how to gracefully handle

wedding cancellations and postponements.

  • The dos and don'ts of wedding etiquette for any bride, groom, relatives, or friends of the marrying couple
  • Tips for proper behavior during the engagement, ceremony, and reception
  • Advice on dealing with the wedding party and opinionated or pushy in-laws
  • Special considerations for second (or more) marriages and military, ethnic, and religious weddings
  • How to set up a tasteful, interactive wedding website and write the all important thank you note
  • Sue Fox is the author of Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition and Business Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition

Leaving no wedding dilemma uncovered, Wedding Etiquette For Dummies is your one-stop guide for having the wedding of your dreams without the stress!

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About The Author

Sue Fox is the author of Etiquette For Dummies, 2nd Edition, and a professional member of the International Association of Protocol Consultants (IAPC) in Washington, D.C.

Sample Chapters

wedding etiquette for dummies

CHEAT SHEET

Wedding etiquette rules have relaxed a bit over time, but common sense and basic etiquette are still necessary in every phase of wedding planning — and on the big day itself.Familiarizing yourself with what to do before, during, and after your wedding will help ensure that everyone enjoys all your wedding festivities.

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Articles from
the book

Wedding ushers are usually in charge of seating guests and directing them to parking lots, bathrooms, dining rooms, and other wedding sites. While a part of the wedding party, ushers have distinctly different duties than other groomsmen. Ushers should arrive at least 45 minutes before the ceremony to assist in seating guests.
Personalizing your music selections is one of the ways you can make your ceremony your own. While some officiants require you to stick to traditions, others are happy to work with you in personalizing the ceremony. Music is one of the most important components of your ceremony because it sets the mood for your special day.
Modern wedding protocol allows you to choose attendants of the opposite sex — a male attendant for the bride or a female attendant for the groom. Although you may see a few raised eyebrows at very traditional weddings, your closest friends are worthy of consideration no matter what gender they are. When a person of the opposite sex acts as the best man or maid of honor, they are called the bride or groom’s “honor attendant.
Deciding on an open bar, a cash bar or no bar can be tricky. Having an open bar can be quite expensive — not to mention problematic — but asking people to pay for their booze isn’t the best etiquette, either. Alcohol is typically expected at cocktail and dinner receptions, but you can choose from different serving methods.
At a wedding, ushers escort guests to their seats — that's pretty common knowledge. The task of escorting guests to the proper seats falls to the ceremony’s ushers — it’s their job to know who sits where. After your guests have been greeted and have signed the guest book, they are taken to their seats. Seating guests smoothly Some larger weddings designate certain guests to receive within-the-ribbon or pew cards, which they present to the ushers so they are led to certain seats in designated rows.
Using a wedding gift registry makes it easy for friends and family to shop. Registering for wedding gifts is fun, but remember your etiquette! Consideration is key, whether you're working with the gift consultant, settling matters of differing taste with your beloved, or choosing your items with a range of prices in mind: Call ahead and make an appointment with the registry consultant at each store where you choose to register.
Etiquette can help you decide your wedding guest list. Compiling a wedding guest list can be extremely stressful because people's feelings are involved. Here, etiquette calls for extra tact and sympathy for others' feelings — and patience and understanding to avoid conflict. Here are some etiquette guidelines for building your wedding guest list: Find out how much money you can spend per guest on food at the reception, and use that amount to determine the number of guests you can invite.
You might decide to announce your engagement to the multitudes by way of your current local newspaper, your hometown newspaper, or the one where your parents currently reside. It’s the most mannerly way to alert the public of your intentions; sending out engagement announcements is frowned upon because it looks like a ploy to get gifts.
The average wedding in the United States has four bridesmaids in addition to a maid of honor. Choosing bridesmaids is a way to honor the people most important to you and to share your special day with them. Many people have trouble narrowing down the field, feeling that if they ask one friend, they must ask another, and so on.
The groom usually asks males relatives or close friends to stand as his groomsmen at the wedding. He may also choose to ask the spouse or significant other of one of the bridesmaids if he and his bride spend a lot of time with them as a couple. The groom asks his brother, best friend or father to be his best man.
Finding the right items for wedding favors — neither too cheap nor too grand — can be difficult. With wedding favors, the line between cute and kitsch can be mighty thin. If you either can’t or don’t decide to spend money on favors, then you should forego giving anything at all — it’s not necessary. With a little creativity, however, you can probably find or make the perfect favor.
At some point in your wedding-planning process, you’ll undoubtedly have to cut back your guest list. You can almost count on disagreements, so you and your spouse-to-be should remain respectful and understanding to each other’s feelings about the guest list and making tough decisions regarding who’s invited. Deciding who won't be on the guest list Few couples come in under the allotted number they’ve agreed upon for their guest list.
How do you "fire" someone from your wedding party? Removing a bridal attendant can be a sticky situation, and the need to do so may arise from his or her behavior or the behavior of an attendant in the opposite party. Cutting a bridesmaid or groomsman should be done clearly and graciously. If you find that one of your bridesmaids has turned into an overbearing diva or that one of your groomsmen won’t return phone calls or e-mails, you and your spouse-to-be may have to make the difficult decision to remove him or her from the wedding party.
When planning your wedding reception, it's crucial to ask the right questions of your reception site manager or caterer. Make sure you have all your concerns written down when you meet; you can never ask too many questions during a meeting. The success of your wedding meal is riding on it, so it’s no time to be shy.
There's a purpose for all the etiquette surrounding written wedding invitations. The etiquette of writing and addressing invitations provides important answers for wedding guests: They'll know who the hosts are; who's invited; and the locations of the ceremony and reception. Before you select your invitations, you need to know how to properly word your invitations; send all the right enclosures with your invitations; and properly address the envelopes so that everyone clearly understands who’s invited: Spell out professional titles, such as Doctor and Reverend, and all military titles (General, Major, and so on.
Different types of wedding ceremonies and receptions have different levels of formality; black tie, formal, semiformal and informal are the terms used to dictate the level of formality in guests’ attire. What you, your spouse-to-be and your wedding party wear also hinges on your wedding’s overall level of formality, which should be indicated in your invitation.
Wedding etiquette rules have relaxed a bit over time, but common sense and basic etiquette are still necessary in every phase of wedding planning — and on the big day itself.Familiarizing yourself with what to do before, during, and after your wedding will help ensure that everyone enjoys all your wedding festivities.
Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for most of the wedding — but modern couples often marry later in life and can afford to shoulder some or all of the wedding expense themselves. Finances can be one of the most problematic and stressful part of the planning anything — and the emotions involved in wedding planning can triple the stress.
After gotten a handle on the wording of your invitations, you need to find out about the inserts, or everything else that has to go into the envelopes — items like the inner envelope, reception and response cards, response envelope, map and directions, hotel information pew cards (if you’re using them) and tissue paper.
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Frequently Asked Questions

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