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Published:
March 15, 2002

Relationships For Dummies

Overview

“Follow the advice of the top romance specialist, and you can’t go wrong.”
Woman’s World

“She’s interviewed with Oprah and Phil Donahue, Time, the New York Times, USA Today, the Washington Post, Redbook and Cosmopolitan. Clearly Dr. Kate engages in no false advertising—she’s a nationally acclaimed relationship expert.”
Chicago Tribune

Let’s face it, making a relationship work takes patience, perseverance, energy, and an unflagging commitment to maintain a happy healthy relationship. And sometimes, it takes a little help from a wise and knowledgeable friend.

Written by celebrated psychologist-matchmaker, Dr. Kate Wachs, Relationships For Dummies is a source of inspiration and ideas on how to find and keep a healthy relationship. Whether you’ve just started dating or have been together with that special someone for years, Dr. Kate can help you:

  • Tell the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship
  • Have a more loving, fun-filled relationship
  • Enjoy a more vibrant and satisfying sex life
  • Work through most relationship problems
  • Find the positive and the fun in every relationship stage

Dr. Kate explodes common relationships and compatibility myths that cause people grief, and with the help of insightful quizzes, case studies, and real-life America Online letters Dr. Kate covers all the bases, including:

  • Finding that special someone and knowing if it’s really Mr. or Ms. Right
  • Pacing and nurturing intimacy in the early stages of a relationship
  • When, where, how, and with whom to have sex when dating
  • Knowing when and if it’s time to move in together
  • When and if to get married
  • Keeping psychological and emotional intimacy alive
  • Keeping physical and sexual intimacy alive

From compatibility to communication, commitment to connecting in the bedroom, Relationships For Dummies is your total guide to having the relationships you want and deserve.

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About The Author

Dr. Kate Wachs is America's only Psychologist-Matchmaker. She runs The Relationship Center™ in Chicago, the only full-service introduction and counseling center of its kind. She has helped millions of people through matchmaking, counseling, and her media appearances.

Sample Chapters

relationships for dummies

CHEAT SHEET

Your relationship with that special someone plays a large role in your life. First, you have to find The One and then take the time to develop the skills to build the relationship and keep it going. And because no relationship is without some conflict, you need to know how to resolve the disagreements that crop up so you can actually grow closer as you work things out.

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Articles from
the book

When you’re assertive, you act like an equal and share your thoughts and feelings with the listener — and that draws you closer together. Assertiveness should be used only when you have equal power and status with someone — like your partner, your friends, and certain members of your family. Or you can choose to be assertive when you have more power over someone — for example, when you’re the boss.
Communication builds emotional intimacy. You become close to your partner by sharing thoughts and feelings with one another that you don’t share with anyone else, and you do that sharing through verbal and nonverbal communication. Then to stay close, you must continue to share through healthy verbal and nonverbal communication.
Humans appeared on this earth without an owner's manual. Luckily, one of our advances has been in figuring out what causes happiness — and what doesn't. For example, everyone wants to be happy. But have you ever noticed how some people have few material possessions, yet seem very happy, while others have an abundance of material wealth, yet seem very unhappy?
To form a healthy relationship with someone and become emotionally intimate, you need to share experiences and secrets with your partner that you don’t share with anyone else. That kind of intense, intimate, highly private interchange requires both parties to be honest with one another. Honesty involves giving accurate information about events that are known or have already occurred.
Getting involved in a romance is the first step toward building a relationship that lasts. If you're looking for a long-term love, the tips in the following list can help you develop your attraction into something deeper: Keep the relationship reciprocal, especially in the beginning, so you can keep the balance of power — and resulting feelings — even, too.
If you're looking for love, you know it can be hard to meet someone you want to have a relationship with — especially given the constraints of modern life. Use the tips in the following list to determine the best way to meet that special someone given your circumstances: If you have more time than money: Try running a personal ad — offline or online at any of the numerous dating sites.

Marriage & Long-term Relationships

Everyone knows that it's much easier to start a relationship than it is to make one last. If you've found your special someone, keep your love alive with the tips in the following list: Make it special and nurture emotional intimacy: Share feelings, thoughts, and experiences with one another that you don't share with others, and keep your communication healthy.
Remember that old movie line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry?” Well, forget it. When you love someone, you’ll need to apologize often — and mean it — or you can kiss your relationship goodbye! To keep your love thriving, you and your partner will need to work through problems in a direct, respectful way.
Every relationship has conflict — arguments and disagreements go hand-in-hand with love and affection. But with Dr. Kate's Make-A-Deal technique, you can settle disagreements and grow closer in the process. Just follow these steps: Make a date to talk about the problem, choosing optimal time and place. Ask questions about your mate's thoughts and feelings first and throughout discussion: "How do you feel about .

Marriage & Long-term Relationships

Just as there are signs that you are ready to marry, there are also signs that you're not. A surprising number of people are able to look back on their marriages and say why they weren't ready to marry at that time, and how that lack of readiness contributed to their divorce. © Shutterstock Review your motivation for marriage before you wed to help you avoid making these mistakes.
New relationships are fragile. If you rush through important intimacy stages, the relationship takes a hit — and often ends prematurely. Following are a few suggestions about how to slow things down and keep your new relationship on a healthy track. Don't jump into bed on the first date This may seem like a no-brainer, but lurching full speed ahead in lust mode is one of the more common mistakes — becoming sexually intimate too soon.
Nothing’s better than a good relationship (although some people might make an argument for chocolate). When you’re in a good relationship, the birds sing and the sun shines — even in the dead of winter. You have love in your heart and a certain bounce in your step. Everything seems more alive and interesting, and you feel hopeful and full of life.
Your relationship with that special someone plays a large role in your life. First, you have to find The One and then take the time to develop the skills to build the relationship and keep it going. And because no relationship is without some conflict, you need to know how to resolve the disagreements that crop up so you can actually grow closer as you work things out.
In a healthy relationship, the overall quality of your life improves. You grow as a person because your partner in the relationship gives you the support you need to take more risks and face more challenges. A healthy relationship helps you feel good about yourself, other people, and your life. It allows you the freedom to relax, to be yourself, and to reach out to others in friendship.
Personal matchmaking services vary enormously, depending on their population; the credentials, training, skill, professionalism, and ethics of the matchmaker; whether the company is a nationwide franchise or a more personalized boutique service; whether the matchmaker meets you or not; and whether the service is a real business or a hobby the owner is doing to meet a special someone.
One of our biggest advances in life has been in figuring out what causes happiness — and what doesn’t. For example, everyone wants to be happy. By increasing your level of happiness within yourself, you can affect your relationships in a more positive way But have you ever noticed how some people have few material possessions, yet seem very happy, while others have an abundance of material wealth, yet seem very unhappy?
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Frequently Asked Questions

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