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General Emotional Health Books
S. Renee Smith
Vivian Harte
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Published:
January 27, 2015

Self-Esteem For Dummies

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Overview

Boost your self-esteem and truly believe that you are perfectly awesome

Looking to get your hands on some more self-esteem? You're not alone. Thankfully, Self-Esteem For Dummies presents clear, innovative, and compassionate methods that help you identify the causes of low self-esteem—as well the lowdown on the consequences. Packed with trusted, hands-on advice to help you improve your overall self-worth, Self-Esteem For Dummies arms you with the proven tools and techniques for learning how to think and behave with more self-assurance at work, in social situations, and even in relationships.

Self-esteem is shaped by your thoughts, relationships, and experiences. When you were growing up, your successes, failures, and how you were

treated by your family, teachers, coaches, religious authorities, and peers determined how you feel about yourself. But you can shift your thinking and reclaim your self-worth with the help of Self-Esteem For Dummies.

  • Helps you understand the ranges of self-esteem and the benefits of promoting self-esteem
  • Arms you with the tools to learn how to think and behave with more self-assurance
  • Covers the importance of mental wellbeing, assertiveness, resilience, and more
  • Shows you how to improve your self-image, increase personal power, and feel better about yourself

If you're looking to boost your sense of self-worth, Self-Esteem For Dummies sets you on the path to a more confident, awesome you.

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About The Author

S. Renee Smith is a renowned self-esteem and branding expert, speaker, author, and resource to the media. Her expertise in personal and professional development and ability to inspire others to make positive, permanent changes has made her a sought-after consultant and speaker to Fortune 500 corporations, universities, government and nonprofit agencies, and churches. Vivian Harte has taught assertiveness skills online to over 10,000 students worldwide. She has 14 years of experience teaching in the classroom at Pima Community College and the University of Phoenix. She also hosted her own radio and television shows for many years in Colorado Springs, Minneapolis, and Tucson.

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self-esteem for dummies

CHEAT SHEET

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person. It comes from an inner knowledge that you are competent, confident, and worthy of a good life. You gain self-esteem by understanding yourself and the value you have. With a strong sense of self-worth, you recognize that you can accomplish what you desire to do and be, that you have the ability to be successful in relationships, and that you are happy with who you are.
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Excellence is performing at your highest level. Whether it’s raising your self-esteem, doing well at your job, having satisfying relationships, or improving your physical body, engaging in excellence means you carefully think through your goal and make logical plans, you take the time to do your best, and you work hard at achieving what you desire.
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People with a strong sense of self-worth exhibit a number of characteristics. When you see these characteristics reflected in yourself and your actions, you’ll know your self-esteem is on the rise: They appreciate themselves and other people. They enjoy growing as a person and finding fulfillment and meaning in their lives.
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All of the famous people below could have let a sense of low self-worth keep them down. Instead, they chose to prevail over substantial difficulties, negative events, and feelings they had. They triumphed over their problems, and so can you. Helen Keller (1880–1968) She had perfect sight and hearing until she was about 1-1/2 years old.
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One of the most powerful ways to build your self-esteem is to be your own best friend. Practice these ten principles to love and support yourself: Look inside to see what you believe about yourself. Speak only positive things about yourself, being patient, loving, and gentle with yourself. Treat yourself fairly and with integrity.
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Developing your self-esteem doesn’t necessarily have to take a long time. There are many fun and pleasurable things you can do to improve your opinion of yourself and enhance your outlook on life. Here are ten different things you can do easily and quickly to boost your sense of self-worth. Become proficient at something you enjoy Find an area that interests you, something you naturally excel in, and put your focus on learning everything you can about it.
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In order to elevate your emotions, the first step is to become aware of which emotions you have. Become aware of what triggers you — what sets you off and gets you upset and what gets you very excited. One trigger is watching certain television programs and allowing the emotions of these programs to permeate your mind.
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Before you can determine what changes to make in your life, it’s a good idea to get a better sense of how you see yourself at this time. Answer each question as honestly as you can. Rate yourself on each question, using the following numbering system: 4 — Almost always 3 — Often 2 — Seldom 1 — Almost never ______ I feel good about my personality.
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If you’re a perfectionist, you’re probably thinking that if you let go of these attributes completely, you’ll do terrible work and lose whatever determination or discipline you have. However, now that you know that perfectionism serves no positive purpose and can actually damage your performance, you can commit yourself to making changes step by step.
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If you judge yourself only by your body, you reduce your focus to only the form side of yourself and completely ignore the substance within that form. What about the other parts of your personality? Don’t they matter too? Real beauty is defined by who you are on the inside — your excitement for life, your concern for others, your joyful personality, and your friendliness toward others.
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People who are successful in life — in terms of work, relationships, health, and feeling fulfillment and happiness — predominantly think in terms of optimism, hopefulness, and cheerfulness. They aren’t just lucky. They’re successful because they have a set of attitudes that bring these positive consequences into their lives.
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The core beliefs that formed your sense of self-worth as a child are just that — beliefs. They’re not necessarily true or accurate. They’re only your opinions. As opinions, they can be changed.Healthy self-esteem and low self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. They both activate certain rules for living that either help you or hurt you.
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Throughout your life, you received messages about yourself from society at large. Many of these messages came from advertising, and they were more than happy to emphasize that something was lacking in you.You may not realize how deeply these products and their messages registered in your mind. Even if you don’t eat fast food, when you pass the golden arches, you know a McDonald’s is located there.
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Generally, what you experienced with your family when you were growing up had a direct effect on the thoughts and feelings you had about your body. Think back to your younger years. How closely do the following statements describe your family? No one exercised. The car was used even for short trips. Heavy, fattening food was the usual fare.
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Almost all commercial media aimed at women get their advertising revenue from the food, beauty, diet, and fashion industries. Just the diet industry itself is a $33 billion a year commercial enterprise. And, of course, these industries needs customers on a continual basis in order to keep being successful. It’s in their best interest to create a fantasy of what being attractive is.
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Experiences you had when growing up, and perhaps your current relationships with family members, all impact your self-esteem. When you were a child, you were open to everything that happened, and your mind was highly impressionable. You didn’t have control over most of what you heard, saw, and experienced in your life.
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You weren’t born a perfectionist. When you were a baby, you had to try many times before you could get that spoon into your mouth without spilling food. You had to walk first by holding onto a low table, and sometimes you fell. Then you walked a few steps next to the table without touching it, and you fell down.
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Understanding your past means digging deep to identify what you experienced and the feelings you had. You may not be fully aware of the impact these experiences had on you. Have you ever said something like, “I’m never going to have a good relationship!” or “I might as well not even try for that promotion. Everyone else always gets promoted, not me.
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Some of your self-talk is reasonable. If you need to go to the grocery store after work and you think about what you want to buy, that’s fine. If your company gives you an award for a great idea you came up with and you mentally pat yourself on the back, that makes perfect sense. A small amount of negative self-talk is normal.
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While positive affirmations provide the words to create new beliefs, visualization provides the mental imagery to see yourself actually living these beliefs. Your mind then records the mental pictures as real and valid. You can see yourself speaking confidently and acting confidently. You can see yourself being a stronger person in your everyday life.
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Many damaging “shoulds” are messages you learned from your parents. Some are little things. They may have told you to brush your teeth every night, sit up straight, and take a shower every morning. But the types of “shoulds” you learned that are most detrimental to your self-esteem are those that go deeper — what kind of job you should have, what kind of person you should marry, what represents success, how you should spend your free time, who your friends should be, and what your religious and political beliefs should be.
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For most people, confronting another person is a fairly stressful (if not downright scary) experience. However, it’s important to confront people when their behavior interferes with your needs. Even though telling others that their behavior is causing you a problem is very difficult, doing so is necessary in order to maintain open, honest communication.
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You’ve decided to take the bull by the horns and actually make those necessary changes to transform your life. You realize that you need to change. You can see that your life will improve dramatically if you make the needed changes. So how does change happen most effectively? There are four stages of change that will help you make the transition to having higher self-esteem.
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Changing your thoughts is a powerful way to increase your self-esteem. Your thoughts can make you feel like a helpless victim or a strong, confident success. There’s more than one way to look at life and focus your thoughts. A person with healthy self-esteem can take control of those untamed thoughts that seem to come from nowhere and aim them in a positive direction.
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To gain the most benefit, combine each of your affirmations with a visualization. For example, say you decide to concentrate on the affirmation, “I am competent at my job.” Before your visualization, identify a few areas where you know you’re competent and a few areas where you’re in the process of becoming more knowledgeable or need to become more competent.
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Everyone’s self-esteem has been shaken by one experience or another. Unfortunately, you can’t just wake up one morning to find that your sense of self-worth has skyrocketed overnight. You have to work on yourself daily so that having healthy self-esteem becomes natural and comfortable. By understanding where your sense of self-regard is already healthy and where it needs some improvement, you’ll be much better able to focus on the areas that need work.
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Being flexible in work and relationships is a sign of a high achiever. While perfectionists are rigid and unbending in their work and how they interact with others, high achievers are more open and accommodating. Being more flexible at work Ralph never offered suggestions during brainstorming sessions at team meetings.
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You’ll be with yourself for a lifetime. Nothing is going to change that fact. Getting to know, like, listen to, and appreciate yourself is crucial for your sanity. Perhaps getting to the point of loving, accepting, and embracing all of who you are is difficult for you to imagine right now, but you can do it. Discovering what you’re capable of You’re capable of achieving whatever you want.
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Does this describe you? Others are used to you saying yes to everything they want you to do. You feel you don’t want to do it and you ache inside every time you say yes. You want to shout, “No, no, no!” But you say yes with a smile on your face anyway, feeling angry at yourself and them too. But, of course, you never let them know your true feelings.
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Writing effective affirmations doesn't have to be a difficult or tedious process. Find a quiet place where you can be alone and can focus on crafting these important statements that will bolster your self-esteem. Keep the following in mind: Choose one negative thought you have about yourself and write down the positive opposite that counteracts that belief.
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Faith is what produces the result. Whether you believe in yourself or something greater than yourself, or you just believe, the principle works for whomever chooses to use it. When you create the intended results, your self-esteem increases. Interestingly, when your self-esteem increases, your faith increases.
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How many times after you’ve missed an opportunity, made a mistake, or gotten exactly what you wanted have you said, “I knew that was going to happen?" Sometimes you listen and respond, and sometimes you don’t. Imagine for a moment what your life could be like if you discovered how to listen and respond more frequently to your voice, gut, instinct, feeling, intuition, or God.
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Fear is as real as courage. Although the value of fear isn’t as obvious as the value of courage, it does have its advantages. Fear is your instinct telling you that you’re uncomfortable — even if the situation will not cause you harm. Everyone has had that feeling when you would rather pull the covers over your head than face that one event of the day.
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If you could measure your success, would you say it’s a teaspoon, tablespoon, cup, quart, or gallon? Are you thinking that’s a weird way to measure success? Try it anyway. Close your eyes, ask yourself the question again, and feel for the answer. What was the first thought that came to mind? Did you think about your personal growth, professional progress, or spiritual development?
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Let's get positive, people! Saying and thinking affirmations often is one of the most valuable ways to change your self-talk. If you say uplifting things to yourself that help you reach your goals and reflect the sense of self-worth that you’re developing, you’ll head in a new and healthier direction.Following are some tips for writing your own affirmations: Choose a negative thought and write its positive opposite.
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Negative thoughts you have about yourself reflect your feelings about yourself. But realize that these are just your feelings — they’re not the actual truth. Most people began to have these feelings and thoughts in childhood. As an adult, you’re ready to understand that they’re not necessarily an accurate picture of reality and that you can change them into more positive thoughts.
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Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person. It comes from an inner knowledge that you are competent, confident, and worthy of a good life. You gain self-esteem by understanding yourself and the value you have. With a strong sense of self-worth, you recognize that you can accomplish what you desire to do and be, that you have the ability to be successful in relationships, and that you are happy with who you are.
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Developing your own self-esteem is an important aspect of improving your life. However, if you’re facing more serious issues and feel you need additional assistance, try seeking out professional therapy or contacting these non-profit organizations. Alcoholics Anonymous: A program of recovery for men and wome
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How can you be happy and thriving if your body is sick? It’s impossible. In order to be physically vital, it’s essential to eat foods that keep you in good physical shape, exercise often, and get enough deep sleep. To set yourself up for success and live a healthier life in your body, feelings, and mind, believe that you can do what it takes and use the resources available to you.
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Bullying in schools continues to be a hot topic. But why? Why would a child feel good about tormenting another child? Why is social media being used to embarrass, harass, and belittle others? Why are inappropriate texts and photos being shared? Why is violence a huge issue in schools? The root cause of anyone demeaning another is low self-esteem.
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Here’s how perfectionism works: First, you have low self-esteem. Then in order to deal with this feeling, you set unrealistic and unattainable goals to prove once and for all to yourself and to others that you do have value and that you are competent and important.But because the goals are impossible, you fail.
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A feeling of low self-worth is accompanied by thoughts about yourself where you see yourself as “less than” and “not good enough.” In order to lessen these thoughts, you try certain behaviors, all aimed at making you feel better about yourself. But they don’t work. In fact, you find that a negative spiral is set into motion: You have low self-esteem, your thoughts reflect an image in your mind of a person who is lacking, you try to be competent and accomplished, but your low self-esteem causes you to fall short, and this then leads you to a feeling of lower self-worth.
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Like everyone, you have a self-concept, a sense of who you are. It’s the perception you hold in your mind about yourself, how you feel about yourself, and the opinions you hold regarding what you can attain in life and how well you can manage everyday demands. The dictionary says that “self” means “one’s own person” and that “esteem” means “having high regard, respect, admiration.
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The foundations of your feelings of self-esteem have come from your past. The sources are many — your parents and siblings, the neighborhood children you played with, the children you attended school with, your teachers, and religious authorities. All of these people have helped establish how you’ve felt about yourself.
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How you relate to your peers often determines your self-image. All children compare themselves with the other children they’re around. And especially during the teen years, peers can be more important than family to the opinions children form of themselves.Many experiences with our peers can affect our self-concept.
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It doesn’t matter what your ears are tuned to — everyone is talking about self-branding. That’s the buzz, but do you really know what it means? Do you have a brand? If you were to deliberately create one, what could it do for you? Branding is one of those buzzwords that everyone uses, but few people really understand what it means.
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Having a poor body image compels you to go to drastic lengths to make changes. You may try radical diets, starve yourself, exercise several hours a day at the gym, or have cosmetic surgery. But ultimately, these don’t seem to work very well, especially if they’re not accompanied by changing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs at the same time.
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Because you spend much of your day with your coworkers, getting to know them and getting along with them are essential. Here are tips for forming stronger workplace relationships: Follow the golden rule. Make others feel the way you want to feel when you interact with them. Strive to understand your coworkers.
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There’s only one way to grow from fear: You have to step into it. Attempting to avoid fear is like trying to walk through the rain without getting wet. It’s impossible. Do you recall the first time you were fearful? Was it the first day of school? Or your first speaking engagement? Did it creep up on you during your first date?
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Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Uncross your hands and feet and close your eyes. Now breathe in deeply and exhale. Breathe in deeply again and exhale. Completely relax. Feel yourself getting lighter and lighter. Feel yourself being wrapped up in a white, fluffy cloud. It starts at your feet and comes up your body, supporting you under your arms.
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By brightening your personality, you open the natural flow of desirable qualities that will make you more appreciative of yourself and more appealing to other people. Here are several ways to enhance your personality: Create happiness within yourself. Have an optimistic and upbeat frame of mind. Be warm and inviting to others.
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You may think that your body image is related to what your body actually looks like. But it’s not. It has more to do with your personal relationship with your body — how you think about it, how you feel about your body, and what your beliefs are about what is good-looking. The way you see yourself Your body image is directly related to how you see your body in your mind’s eye.
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To a large extent, your accomplishments and happiness in life are a direct result of the thoughts you repeat in your mind. Positive affirmations are potent statements that build an internal dialogue reinforcing a new vision you have of yourself and your life. They replace the negative thoughts that have been in your mind about yourself and your past.
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