Focusing on someone else is a real problem for codependents. Letting go isn’t easy. Turning that around so that your focus is on you doesn’t make you selfish; in fact, it’s showing respect for someone else’s autonomy and boundaries. Here are some practical things you can do to:
When you’re together, remember not to watch the other person.
Don’t obsess or worry about him or her. Imagine putting the person in God’s hands or surrounded by healing light. Send them love.
Don’t judge others, just as you don’t want to be judged.
Don’t have expectations of others; instead, meet expectations of yourself.
You didn’t cause someone else’s behavior. Others are responsible for their behavior, and you’re only responsible for yours.
Write about your feelings in a journal. Read it to someone close to you or a therapist.
Practice mediation or spirituality.
Pursue your own interests and have fun.
Remember you cannot change or “fix” someone else. Only he or she has the power to do so.
Take a time out. If you’re starting to react to someone or are in an argument, it’s a good idea to step away and take some time to think things over. A good idea is to write in your journal.
Write positive things about yourself in your journal every day. Look for things you did well or like about yourself, and write them down.
Take the labels off. Sometimes, you can have expectations and make assumptions about someone very close to you which you wouldn’t of a friend. Ask yourself how you would treat the other person if he or she wasn’t your partner or parent.
