If you're a single parent because of divorce or the death of your spouse, you may fill like a victim and slip into a pattern of negative talk. Negative talk includes the following:

• Dumping your problems on your kids: Do you complain to your children about the difficulties in your life or your gloomy outlook? If you've fallen into this pattern of negativity around the house, stop! You're frightening your kids and taking advantage of them. Your children aren't small adults, and using them as free in-house therapists isn't fair.
• Badmouthing the other parent: In spite of what your ex has done to you and the kids, in spite of the selfishness and irresponsibility, and yes, in spite of the immoral habits, keep your mouth shut. Divorced parents must protect their kids' images of each other. The other parent is a hero and caregiver in the children's eyes (even though he or she may not deserve to be). So think of something upbeat to say once in a while like "You're a natural athlete, just like your father" or "You really have your mother's talent for math." Remember this: To criticize or attack your child's other parent is to criticize or attack your child's DNA!
• Mucking around in your grief: If your spouse died and your heart is still heavy, don't rain on your kids' parade day after day. Smile and praise their mother or father's wonderful qualities. Get in the habit of talking about your husband or wife and all the fun stuff you did as a family. At the same time, look to the future and all the good times you and the kids have to look forward to.