Everyone wants to be heard — especially your spouse. When he or she says something, it's important to make it plain that you understand the meaning behind those words — particularly if you're going to disagree.

For example, if your partner says, "I'm unhappy with the way you're handling the household finances," it would be a mistake on your part to answer by saying, "Yes, but you never put the bills on my desk, so I don't know when they're due."

On the surface, "yes, but" seems like a simple, offhanded remark. More often than not, it's an underhanded way of saying, "I don't really care about what you're saying. I'm not listening." It would be better to come right out and say that you totally disagree with the remark. That's more honest, and it may generate some constructive dialogue.

If you disagree with something your partner has said, make sure he or she knows that you've been listening. Then disagree in a way that's likely to create an atmosphere of cooperation. For example, you may say something like: "I can see that we're having a problem coordinating our bill paying. Let's talk about finding a better way to handle it."