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The moment you walk into a negotiation, observe the body language of everybody in the room. All during the negotiation keep observing your opponent's body language. Focus on the whole body — head, arms and hands, torso, and legs and feet. When you focus on the total person who is talking to you, you will listen better. Your observations of body language will help you pick up unstated nuances such as what items are more important and what are less important to the other side.
Knowing where to stand
 | The most important observation you can make about a room full of people is the personal space each person commands. Human nature dictates that people considered more powerful are typically awarded greater personal space by the other people in the room. |
Control over the dominant chair (usually the head of the table) may be the most obvious sign of power. Remember Archie Bunker? He didn't control a clear position of power at work, so his chair became a symbol of his status at home.
 | Once the spatial relationships are established, they are not easy to change. Take a moment before your next meeting and think about what relationship you want to establish with the other attendees. Arrange the seating accordingly. |
Making first contact
Begin every meeting with great body language. Let your enthusiasm and energy show. Meet the other person's eyes and give a good, firm handshake. Let the flesh between your thumb and forefinger meet the other person's flesh between the thumb and forefinger. Press — do not squeeze — the hand. One pump accompanied by eye contact is plenty. One or two more may express great enthusiasm; any more than that can make the person uncomfortable.
Women greeting women in America can touch both hands at the same time as an alternative to a handshake.
| Handshaking is far from uniform around the world. Germans are a nation of one-pump people. The French often shake one hand while putting the other on the opposing shoulder. The Japanese may forego the handshake for a bow. |
Gauging reception
If you pay attention to body language early in a negotiation, you can spot signals of how receptive (how ready to listen and how open to your ideas) your counterpart is. Table 1 shows the positive and negative cues associated with being receptive and unreceptive.
Table 1: Body Language of Receptive and Unreceptive Listeners
Body Channel
| Receptive (Positive Cues)
| Unreceptive (Negative Cues)
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Facial expressions and eyes
| Smiles, much eye contact, more interest in the person than what is being said
| No eye contact or squinted eyes, jaw muscles clenched, cheeks twitching with tension, head turned slightly away from the speaker so the eye contact is a sidelong glance
|
Arms and hands
| Arms spread, hand open on the table, relaxed in the lap, or on the arms of a chair, hands touching the face
| Hands clenched, arms crossed in front of the chest, hand over the mouth or rubbing the back of the neck
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Legs and feet
| Sitting: Legs together, or on in front of the other slightly (as if at the starting line of a race). Standing: Weight evenly distributed, body tilted toward the speaker
| Standing: Crossed legs, pointing away from the speaker. Sitting or standing: Legs and feet pointing toward the exit.
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Torso
| Sitting on the edge of the chair, unbuttoning suit coat, body tilted toward the speaker
| Leaning back in the chair, suit coat remains buttoned
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Receptive people look relaxed with open hands, displaying the palms, indicating openness to discussion. They lean forward, whether they are sitting or standing. Receptive negotiators unbutton their coats. By contrast, people who aren't willing to listen may lean back in the chair or protectively fold their arms across their chest. Having one leg up on the arm of the chair appears to be an open posture, but more often, this position signals a lack of consideration.
Seeing a change of heart
Observing how someone is sitting or standing is the first step in reading body language — but people aren't frozen like statues. Their positions and gestures change with their attitudes and emotions. Notice these shifts.
| As someone's accepts your ideas, you may notice the following indicators: |
- Squinting the eyes slightly
- Taking off or playing with eyeglasses
- Pinching the bridge of the nose
- Leaning forward, uncrossing legs, and scooting to the edge of the chair
- Touching the forehead or chin
- Touching you (if the movement is to reassure, and not to interrupt)
Just as you can gauge increasing acceptance to your ideas, you can also notice signs of increasing resistance to your ideas. Here are some gestures of resistance:
- Clutching the back of the neck
- Placing hands behind one's back
- Placing a hand over one's mouth
- Gripping one's arm or wrist
- Crossing arms in front of chest
- Squinting eyes dramatically
- Twisting the feet so that they point to the door
Ferreting out boredom
Looking out the window, holding the head up with one hand, doodling in a way that seems to absorb the doodler's complete attention, drumming fingers on the table all indicate that the listener is no longer paying attention.
| What should you do if you notice that the other party in your negotiation is showing signs of boredom? Don't start speaking louder or faster, as you may be tempted to do. Instead, say, "Wait. I'm sensing that I'm losing you. What's happening?" And then listen. You may find out what's really keeping this person or group from accepting your idea. |
Wearing your confidence on your sleeve
 | A lack of self-confidence can result in nervousness. If your body language reveals that you are nervous, your counterpart may deem that you are not secure enough to maintain a strong position in the negotiation. |
Don't believe everything you see
| No matter how much you know about body language, don't grow overconfident when applying your knowledge to a specific person — especially someone you don't know well. Each individual has unique body language. Although silence usually indicates that a person is calm, some people clam up when they're angry. Sitting erect may indicate a stiff bargaining position, or it may indicate a stiff back from too much tennis the day before. Stay alert to the body language, but combine your observations with the spoken words to determine the correct meaning. |
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