|
No matter how close the two of you are as a couple, one or both of you will always have a thin skin about some topics. Finances, for example, can send some people over the edge. Religion is another sticky issue.
Sometimes, a thorny topic can be avoided, but other times there's no getting around it. If you notice that whenever you raise one subject you get into a fight, then you probably want to change your line of approach. For example, the very word taxes can light a fuse under some people. Yet, you may have to talk to a spouse about planning for estimated payments. Instead of avoiding the subject or exploding in return at your partner's outburst, why not just let the storm cloud blow over? Sometimes, after people have a chance to vent about their favorite government agency, they can return to calmer conversation and move beyond the initial indignation.
 | Don't allow repeated patterns to act as roadblocks to conversation. Find a way around them so that you can proceed to accomplish whatever you need to get done. |
Improving your communications etiquette
As important as communicating is for a couple, remember that there is a time and a place for it. The amount of privacy and time needed depend on the subject matter and the intensity of the emotions likely to be stirred. If you're discussing where to go on your next vacation, then doing so while enjoying a meal at your favorite restaurant is perfectly acceptable. But if the subject revolves around more intimate matters, then a restaurant may not be the proper environment, despite what you may have seen in When Harry Met Sally.
When one or both partners spend a lot of time on the job, you have no choice but to have certain discussions over the phone during office hours. So, be aware that the location from which messages are delivered naturally influences their content and tone. Conveying pure information, like when to meet for dinner, is certainly appropriate, but if you need to make an important decision that may involve some differences of opinion, the setting may very well influence the outcome.
 | If you have something important to discuss with your partner that can't be tabled until you're both under the same roof, call to make an appointment to speak when he or she can get away from the desk to use a cell phone or a nearby phone booth. Just remember that cell phone calls can be picked up by others, even accidentally, so don't say anything that requires absolute privacy. |
Avoiding firestorms
Some people can't seem to have a simple discussion. They insist on always being right, and rather than listening calmly to what you have to say, they escalate any disagreement into World War III. They may think that yelling the loudest makes them victors, when in fact they may be big losers.
We live in the information era; everyone realizes how valuable information is. Closing off discussions by throwing a temper tantrum prevents you from hearing the information you need in order to have a good relationship. To be a good conversationalist and to pick up the vital information you need, you have to be a good listener. Listening to what someone else has to say doesn't mean that you're admitting that the other person is right, only that you are open to hearing what he or she has to say.
 | If you think about it, argumentative people don't act out of inner strength; they act out of fear. They are terrified of ever being wrong. If your partner is like this, there are no easy solutions. People don't change their personalities overnight, if ever. You can suggest that he or she go for some therapy, though it's admittedly difficult to convince those who say they are always right that they need some repairs upstairs. |
| Perhaps the best thing you can do to handle a person like this is to seek some therapy yourself. The underlying issues that may have caused your partner to take on such personality traits are usually not easy to figure out. Even if your partner never joins you in the therapist's office, a therapist can guide you through some of the minefields that lie ahead and help maintain your own sanity as you navigate through them. |
|
