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Who knows why being a tourist is considered so beneath some people? Why live a lie? If you're visiting for pleasure and have a keen interest in looking around, you're a tourist. Be proud. Wear that camera around your neck (but maybe leave the bum bag at home). Rattle a map in frustration. Ask a stranger for directions.
Otherwise, memorize the following tips before venturing to San Francisco.
Dress for the weather
This is not The O.C. — you cannot tan here. In summer, San Francisco is foggy and cold in the morning, turning to sunshine in the afternoon, with temperatures in the upper 60s or low 70s. Dress in long pants, not shorts. Wear a sweater over your T-shirt and a jacket over both. You can always tie extraneous clothing around your waist when you enter one of our famous microclimates. In San Francisco, the temperature changes from neighborhood to neighborhood, so if you're shivering in Golden Gate Park, head to the Mission to warm up.
September and October are the warmest months here. If you look good in shorts, wear them then.
Don't trust your map
Those darn hills have a way of interrupting the streets in ways that may not be apparent to the untrained eye. It may look like a straight shot from one part of town to the other, but take into consideration the up-and-down of the steep hills. Telegraph Hill is the worst offender. If you can't go through, you'll have to go around. If you're planning on walking to a particular destination, ask first at the hotel or call ahead to see if it isn't more advisable to take public transit or a cab.
A prime example of this is The Western Addition neighborhood — between Geary, Haight, Gough, and Divisadero streets — because people studying their maps often believe it's an easy walk from Civic Center to Golden Gate Park by way of Oak or Fell streets. That's not entirely accurate. First, it's hilly. Second, it's not the safest section of town. And third, it's farther than it appears.
Don't gawk at tall buildings
An article in the San Francisco Chronicle noted that San Franciscans do not gawk at tall buildings. The author also noted that San Franciscans are breaking their own rule and gawking like mad at the downtown ballpark. So, if you don't want to look like a tourist, don't stare at the Transamerica Pyramid — a quick glance should do — but feel free to drool while admiring AT&T Park. You'll then resemble a local who didn't buy season tickets.
Don't eat or shop like a tourist
Be picky about where you spend your time and money. Places most residents wouldn't be caught dead in include the Hard Rock Cafe, any restaurant on Fisherman's Wharf, Ripley's Believe It or Not!, and the Golden Gate Bridge on a Friday afternoon.
Wait 'til you get back to the airport to buy San Francisco sourdough
Don't walk around with loaves of bread wrapped in plastic for the trip home. Around here people buy baguettes for same-day consumption. Anyway, you can buy that particular brand of bread at the airport, where no one will see you.
Cross the bridge before or after — but not during — rush hour
Don't cross the Bay Bridge between 3 and 7 p.m. unless you want to be mistaken for a suburban commuter. Anyway, no one, not even the commuters, are actually crossing the Bay Bridge at this time; rather, they're sitting and fuming and occasionally inching their way forward. This is important to remember if you have friends in the East Bay who invite you to come over for dinner.
Don't stare at the locals
Don't point/gasp/shriek at the man/woman/other with the attention-getting tattoo/leather chaps/chartreuse wig no matter how unusual he/she/it appears. That would be unseemly.
Don't shout at people you suspect don't speak English
Don't raise your voice or speak extra slowly to your waiter if you suspect he doesn't speak English. In fact, he does speak English. He's merely trying to turn your table as quickly as possible.
Do the farmers' market thing
Hang around the Ferry Plaza Farmers' Market on a Saturday morning. Have breakfast, circle the stalls, eat all the samples, buy something nonperishable to take home.
Remove any incriminating evidence
Remember the plastic nametag you attached to your lapel upon entering the Moscone Convention Center? It's okay to remove it now.
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