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Absolutely fundamental to all interpersonal activities, listening is an essential negotiation skill that gives you a leg up on all activities and situations.
Follow the simple suggestions here to become a better listener — immediately.
Clear away the clutter
To be a good listener, you have to clear out the clutter. This is not just a question of good manners, it is a necessity if you want to focus on the person speaking to you. Noise clutter, desk clutter, and even mind clutter all interfere with good listening. Here are some tips.
- When you talk to someone, don't just mute the television set, turn it off.
- If you have something else on your mind, write it down before you enter a conversation. With a note as a reminder, your mind is free to concentrate on the conversation.
- Clear your desk — or whatever is between you and the speaker — so that you can focus on what the speaker is saying.
- Don't accept phone calls while you are talking with someone else. Interrupting a conversation to take a call makes the person in the room with you feel unimportant — and makes what you have to say seem unimportant.
 | When a coworker comes to your office, don't feel that you need to engage in a discussion right away. If knowing that you need to finish a task may distract you from listening effectively, you may be better off delaying the conversation. Your coworkers would rather wait until you can listen than have you tending to other business while they're trying to talk to you. |
The same rule holds true for phone conversations. Never try to negotiate on the telephone while you're reading a note, catching up on filing, or playing a computer game.
Count to three
| Here's a simple device to help you listen more effectively. Just count to three before you speak. This slight delay enables you to absorb and understand the last statement before you respond. |
This pause pays off. You absorb the message, and you give the other party one last chance to modify the statement or question. Even if your response is simply that you must consult with someone else, pausing for three beats helps you better comprehend and remember what the other person said.
Wake yourself up
If you are truly interested in what the other party is saying, look the part. If you feel yourself getting drowsy, don't give in. Sit up straighter. Stand up. Get the blood flowing in whatever way works for you. Don't think that you can effectively hide flagging interest without changing your physical position.
Write it down
Taking notes is a great listening aid. Regardless of whether you ever refer to your notes again, the mere act of writing down the salient points boosts the entire listening process.
Making notes is important throughout every step of the negotiating process. Immediately after a negotiating session, review your notes to be sure that you wrote down everything you may want to recall, and that you can read everything you wrote down.
| In family meetings, recording negotiations and agreements is often just as important as it is in business meetings. Make a habit of writing down house rules of conduct for young children, chores for older children, and even agreements between spouses or loved ones. That way, everyone is clear on the expectations. Your life is easier and behavior is more consistent. |
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