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Here's a brief rundown of the ten goof-ups that people commit most frequently while negotiating.
Starting to negotiate prematurely
Starting to negotiate before you're ready may be the worst mistake you can make. Avoiding this mistake is particularly difficult when the person pressing you to negotiate is your own client. This person pays your bills. Saying, "I need more time before we start this negotiation," is difficult.
No matter whom you are negotiating with, don't start talking until you are ready. If the other side calls, tell the truth: you don't feel fully prepared.
Negotiating with the wrong person
Always verify that you are negotiating with the right person right at the beginning. Even when you know the person on the other side, you may want to start by confirming that this person has the authority to close. In a company setting, negotiating with an executive a level too high can be worse than negotiating with someone too low on the organizational chart. Top executives may lack the detailed knowledge to deal with all the particulars of your negotiation.
Locking on a position
When you lock on a position, you insist on a given solution and are closed to any other suggestions. You think the solution must be the one you are putting on the table, or the agreement just won't work. This is called positional negotiating. When you lock on a position, you destroy the negotiating process. Additionally, you look ridiculous. It is rarely true that the only solution is the one you bring to the table at the beginning of the discussions.
 | A tougher challenge is when the other side locks on a position. When that happens, say something like, "I wonder if we both have the same information." Then start talking about the background of the negotiations. You exchange subject matter. The idea is to bring the other party up to speed. To do this, you must do the following things: |
- Abandon your frontal assault.
- Abandon all efforts to persuade.
- Become a teacher — a gentle person sharing knowledge about the history and background of the negotiation.
Once you open up the mind of the other party, you begin to have an intelligent negotiation.
Feeling powerless
When you feel powerless in a negotiating session, you are almost always lacking in preparation. Train yourself to hear such feelings and take a break. Regroup mentally. Come up with solutions. You can even say, "You know, you got me. I'm going to have to give this some more study." If the negotiation is with your boss and you aren't sure of the answer, say, "I'm not ready to have this conversation yet, but I can get back to you this afternoon."
Worrying about losing control of the negotiation
The big mistake with this is the very notion that it is a mistake. Negotiation is not about control. It is about working together to find the best solution to the problem at hand. It is about give and take between people. It is about building relationships.
 | If you have a concern about losing control of negotiations, ask yourself why control is such an important issue. If you fear that losing control will allow the other party to bamboozle you, rethink dealing with this person. Maybe you should be talking to someone else entirely. |
Wandering away from the goals you set
People too often start a negotiation with a set of limits and goals and then, as the negotiation progresses, ignore them. Without really thinking about it, they modify their goals downward and their limits upward. These people are the most likely to suffer from buyer's remorse — that feeling of regret after you commit to a deal.
The best way to avoid losing sight of your limits and goals is to write them down. Changing your limits and goals as a result of acquiring more data is fine, as long as you're conscious that you're doing it.
Worrying too much about the other guy
| Win-win doesn't mean worrying about whether the people you negotiate with always get everything they want. Unfortunately, many unassertive people use the acceptance of the win-win mantra to justify not looking out for themselves. You must set your own limits and goals and then fight for them to the last. The other party should (and usually does) do the same thing. |
Thinking of just the right thing to say — the next day
No one has all the right things to say at just the right time all the time — except in the movies. But life isn't a movie, it's unrehearsed and ad-libbed. The better prepared you are, the more likely you are to come up with the right thing to say at just the right time. But even the best prepared will think of something better to say after thoughtful consideration. The only mistake here is believing that you've made a mistake. Stop being so hard on yourself.
Blaming yourself for another's mistakes
When things go awry, most people blame themselves — even if the problem isn't their fault. Resist that temptation. If you are inclined to blame yourself for the woes of the world, think about why that is so.
Not focusing on closing
This is kissin' cousin to worrying too much about the other guy. From the first time you hear about the possibility of a particular negotiation, you should be thinking about the close. Each aspect of closure is driven by the preparation for the negotiation, the goals and limits you set, and the negotiation process itself. Focus on closing during every step.
| Every moment a negotiation drags on is one when something could have a negative impact on the negotiations. Don't read this to mean that you should rush the close or close before you are ready to. Just keep the close in mind at all times. You are in a negotiation to achieve certain goals. When those goals are in reach, go for it. |
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